#titles something like Children have Literal Devils in them and Here's How to Hit them so they become Normal (pedagogics)

[contraspem--spero]

Listen I'm about anti-natalist as you can possibly get but like if you'd learn pedagogics and it's history and realise how much of it was invented by Men maybe you'd understand a lot about why our education system is the way it is

[hexalt]

CW for discussion of suicide

- She's the crazy ex-girlfriend - What? No, I'm not. - She's the crazy ex-girlfriend - That's a sexist term! - She's the crazy ex-girlfriend - Can you guys stop singing for just a second? - She's so broken insiiiiiide! - The situation's a lot more nuanced than that!

There’s the essay! You get it now. JK.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the culmination of Rachel Bloom’s YouTube channel (and the song “Fuck Me, Ray Bradbury” in particular where she combined her lifelong obsession with musical theatre and sketch comedy and Aline Brosh McKenna stumbling onto Bloom’s channel one night while having an idea for a television show that subverted the tropes in scripts she’d been writing like The Devil Wears Prada and 27 Dresses.

The show begins with a flashback to teenage Rebecca Bunch (played by Bloom) at summer camp performing in South Pacific. She leaves summer camp gushing about the performance, holding hands with the guy she spent all summer with, Josh Chan. He says it was fun for the time, but it’s time to get back to real life. We flash forward to the present in New York, Rebecca’s world muted in greys and blues with clothing as conservative as her hair.

She’s become a top tier lawyer, a career that she doesn’t enjoy but was pushed into by her overprotective, controlling mother. She’s just found out she’s being promoted to junior partner, and that’s just objectively, on paper fantastic, right?! ...So why isn’t she happy? She goes out onto the streets in the midst of a panic attack, spilling her pills all over the ground, and suddenly sees an ad for butter asking, “When was the last time you were truly happy?” A literal arrow and beam of sunlight then point to none other than Josh Chan. She strikes up a conversation with him where he tells her he’s been trying to make it in New York but doesn’t like it, so he’s moving back to his hometown, West Covina, California, where everyone is just...happy.

The word echoes in her mind, and she absorbs it like a pill. She decides to break free of the hold others have had over her life and turns down the promotion of her mother’s dreams. I didn’t realize the show was a musical when I started it, and it’s at this point that Rebecca is breaking out into its first song, “West Covina”. It’s a parody of the extravagant, classic Broadway numbers filled with a children’s marching band whose funding gets cut, locals joining Rebecca in synchronized song and dance, and finishing with her being lifted into the sky while sitting on a giant pretzel. This was the moment I realized there was something special here.

With this introduction, the stage has been set for the premise of the show. Each season was planned with an overall theme. Season one is all about denial, season two is about being obsessed with love and losing yourself in it, season three is about the spiral and hitting rock bottom, and season four is about renewal and starting from scratch. You can see this from how the theme songs change every year, each being the musical thesis for that season.

We start the show with a bunch of cliché characters: the crazy ex-girlfriend; her quirky sidekick; the hot love interest; his bitchy girlfriend; and his sarcastic best friend who’s clearly a much better match for the heroine. The magic of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is that no one in West Covina is the sum of their tropes. As Rachel says herself, “People aren’t badly written, people are made of specificities.”

The show is revolutionary for the authenticity with which it explores various topics but for the sake of this piece, we’ll discuss mental health, gender, Jewish identity, and sexuality. All topics that Bloom has dug into in her previous works but none better than here.

Simply from the title, many may be put off, but this is a story that has always been about deconstructing stereotypes. Rather than being called The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, where the story would be from an outsider’s perspective, this story is from that woman’s point of view because the point isn’t to demonize Rebecca, it’s to understand her. Even if you hate her for all the awful things she’s doing.

The musical numbers are shown to be in Rebecca’s imagination, and she tells us they’re how she processes the world, but as she starts healing in the final season, she isn’t the lead singer so often anymore and other characters get to have their own problems and starring roles. When she does have a song, it’s because she’s backsliding into her former patterns.

While a lot of media will have characters that seem to have some sort of vague disorder, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend goes a step further and actually diagnoses Rebecca with Borderline Personality Disorder, while giving her an earnest, soaring anthem. She’s excited and relieved to finally have words for what’s plagued her whole life.

When diagnosing Rebecca, the show’s team consulted with doctors and psychiatrists to give her a proper diagnosis that ended up resonating with many who share it. BPD is a demonized and misunderstood disorder, and I’ve heard that for many, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the first honest and kind depiction they’ve seen of it in media. Where the taboo of mental illness often leads people to not get any help, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend says there is freedom and healing in identifying and sharing these parts of yourself with others.

Media often uses suicide for comedy or romanticizes it, but Crazy Ex-Girlfriend explored what’s going through someone’s mind to reach that bottomless pit. Its climactic episode is written by Jack Dolgen (Bloom’s long-time musical collaborator, co-songwriter and writer for the show) who’s dealt with suicidal ideation. Many misunderstood suicide as the person simply wanting to die for no reason, but Rebecca tells her best friend, “I didn’t even want to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. It’s like I was out of stories to tell myself that things would be okay.”

Bloom has never shied away from heavy topics. The show discusses in song the horrors of what women do to their bodies and self-esteem to conform to beauty standards, the contradiction of girl power songs that tell you to “Put Yourself First” but make sure you look good for men while doing it, and the importance of women bonding over how terrible straight men are are near and dear to her heart. This is a show that centers marginalized women, pokes fun at the misogyny they go through, and ultimately tells us the love story we thought was going to happen wasn’t between a woman and some guy but between her and her best friend.

I probably haven’t watched enough Jewish TV or film, but to me, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the most unapologetic and relatable Jewish portrayal I’ve seen overall. From Rebecca’s relationship with her toxic, controlling mother (if anyone ever wants to know what my mother’s like, I send them “Where’s the Bathroom”) to Patti Lupone’s Rabbi Shari answering a Rebecca that doesn’t believe in God, “Always questioning! That is the true spirit of the Jewish people,” the Jewish voices behind the show are clear.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend continues to challenge our perceptions when a middle-aged man with an ex-wife and daughter realizes he’s bisexual and comes out in a Huey Lewis saxophone reverie. The hyper-feminine mean girl breaks up with her boyfriend and realizes the reason she was so obsessed with getting him to commit to her is the same reason she’s so scared to have female friends. She was suffering under the weight of compulsory heterosexuality, but thanks to Rebecca, she eventually finds love and friendship with women.

This thread is woven throughout the show. Many of the characters tell Rebecca when she’s at her lowest of how their lives would’ve never changed for the better if it wasn’t for her. She was a tornado that blew through West Covina, but instead of leaving destruction in her wake, she blew apart their façades, forcing true introspection into what made them happy too.

Rebecca’s story is that of a woman who felt hopeless, who felt no love or happiness in her life, when that’s all she’s ever wanted. She tried desperately to fill that void through validation from her parents and random men, things romantic comedies had taught her matter most but came up empty. She tried on a multitude of identities through the musical numbers in her mind, seeing herself as the hero and villain of the story, and eventually realized she’s neither because life doesn’t make narrative sense.

It takes her a long time but eventually she sees that all the things she thought would solve her problems can’t actually bring her happiness. What does is the real family she finds in West Covina, the town she moved to on a whim, and finally having agency over herself to use her own voice and tell her story through music.

The first words spoken by Rebecca are, “When I sang my solo, I felt, like, a really palpable connection with the audience.” Her last words are, “This is a song I wrote.” This connection with the audience that brought her such joy is something she finally gets when she gets to perform her story not to us, the TV audience, but to her loved ones in West Covina. Rebecca (and Rachel) always felt like an outcast, West Covina (and creating the show) showed her how cathartic it is to find others who understand you.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the prologue to Rebecca’s life and the radical story of someone getting better. She didn’t need to change her entire being to find acceptance and happiness, she needed to embrace herself and accept love and help from others who truly cared for her. Community is what she always needed and community is what ultimately saved her.

*

P.S. If you have Spotify... I also process life through music, so I made some playlists related to the show because what better way to express my deep affection for it than through song?

CXG parodies, references, and is inspired by a lot of music from all kinds of genres, musicals, and musicians. Same goes for the videos themselves. I gathered all of them into one giant playlist along with the show’s songs.

A Rebecca Bunch mix that goes through her character arc from season 1 to 4.

I’m shamelessly a fan of Greg x Rebecca, so this is a mega mix of themselves and their relationship throughout the show.

*

I’m in a TV group where we wrote essays on our favorite shows of the 2010s, so here is mine on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, I realized I forgot to ever post it. Also wrote one for Schitt’s Creek.

[pagingevilspawn]

Would you please write a fic about alex and jo help their daughter with her homework, they would be kinds cute help them study

cross my heart, hope to die, please stick this pencil in my eye

there’s a reason this took me forever. reason number one, two, and three; proofs. i was unable to write this because of proofs. i got this ask and LIKE A CHILD decided that i wanted to make my fictional characters suffer as much as i did. so once i was done with proofs, i had to write something about proofs, which made me exhausted because i hate even talking about proofs

that made no sense, but here’s this thing that i made. lots of it was my real life monologue, screaming at my computer bc of fucking proofs. enjoy. (also, let’s appreciate the fact that i updated three whole days in a row)

(also, another installment of the “payton loves evan peters too much” series, where i name jolex babies after his AHS characters)

Alex Karev sat in the drivers side of his SUV, making a right onto the upcoming street as he listened to the song playing on the radio. He drummed his fingers along the steering wheel absentmindedly, pulling up to the curbside of James Madison Middle School, waiting patiently in his seat until he heard the five minute warning bell ring.

When the loud bell goes off, he exits the car and makes his way to the other side, learning against the door so his kids would know it was him. Too many parent’s owned black range rovers, and the last thing Alex needed was for either one of his kids to climb into the back seat of some stranger's car. 

He didn’t need to wait long for children to start piling out of the school in large crowds. Middle school was so different from elementary, for his kids at least. He remembers when they would come sprinting out of the building as if their lives depended on it, but now they just casually strolled, no matter how much they liked or disliked school. 

A few minutes later he catches sight of his daughter, who’s eyes light up when she sees him. He wasn’t supposed to pick them up today, the nanny was. But he had gotten off of work early and had insisted with Jo that he be the one to pick up the kids. It was a task he wished he got to do more often. 

“Hey.” his daughter greets him with a smile on her face. He steps aside and lets her enter the side door, where she flops her black backpack on the floor and settles into the seat, pulling out her phone and begins to start scrolling through it. 

“Dad!” he hears another voice exclaim, quickly tracing it to his son, who was currently running to the car, backpack bouncing up and down behind him. The sixth grader moved across the property quickly, greeting his dad with a fist bump before sliding into the back seat.

He closes both of his kids doors before making his way into the driver's side, revving up the car’s engine before he drives down the long block, whatever music his daughter decided on playing through the radio. 

Alex winces when the music begins to blare through the car, “Brynn, turn that crap down would you?”

Brynn’s face looks scandalized. “It’s not crap. It’s art.” she emphasizes, turning it up even louder and screaming the words. (Poor Brynn couldn’t sing, and she knew it)

“I came in like a wreeckingggg ballll I never hit so harddd in loveeee all i wanted was to break your walls all you ever did wre-e-e-ck meee.” she yells, using her phone as a microphone, hair flying around wildly as she moved up and down, side to side in her seat.  

Alex rolls his eyes, unable to hide the smile on his lips. His wife and daughter were too much alike sometimes. He turns the knob himself, sending his daughter a look, silently telling her not to do it again. 

“I think it’s crap. Just like how I think you sound like a dying cat whenever you sing.” his son pipes in from the back, a signature Karev smirk plastered on his lips as he keeps his gaze locked on his phone. 

“Shut up Rory,” she sneers, “Nobody likes you.” 

Rory fakes a laugh, looking back to his phone, and then to the scenery outside his window. They passed house after house until they finally reached their destination, John Quincy Adams Elementary School.

“Wait here,” Alex instructs the two kids, who murmurs their we know’s, more focused on the devices in their hand to the words coming out of his mouth. 

He makes his way to the ‘log cabin’ that sat at the front of the school, giving a friendly smile to the woman sitting at the sign out table, a crappy fold out plastic table that had definitely seen better days. “Faye and Bridgette Karev.” 

The woman slides the forms across the table, handing him a pen. “Sign here and here. I’ll go get them right now.” She stands up from her seat and heads inside to tell the two girls that their father had arrived.

Alex sprawls his messy signature onto the page, huffing before leaning up against the gate. His girls could take anywhere from thirty seconds to five minutes to pack up their things. Luckily today didn’t seem to be the latter, because before he knew it, the two youngest Karev’s came bouncing towards him. 

“Daddy!” “Daddy!” 

The seven year olds gave him a large hug, showing him matching toothless smiles. When Jo and him found out that she was pregnant for a third time, they were overjoyed. They had always wanted more than two kids, but hadn’t really been actively trying. They were excited to expand their family of four into a family of five. When they discovered that she was not carrying not one, but two babies, they were shocked. Jo wasn’t expecting to get pregnant at thirty-nine, much less with twins. Brynn was seven at the time, and Rory was five, so they were worried about how their kids would react when they found out two new babies would be joining the Karev household. 

Rory --surprisingly-- took the news really well. He was excited with the fact that he could have baby brothers. (Oh well. Alex Karev only seemed to make girls, Rory being the one exception.) 

Brynn was a bit more reluctant. She had heard from her friends at school how much babies cried and stole all the attention. She loved both her parent’s equally, but she was a Daddy’s girl through and through. The thought of losing both of her parent’s focus was terrifying. What if her Daddy called her new siblings names like Bug or Princess? Those were her names, and her names only. She couldn’t let the new babies steal her names. 

It took a while, but after multiple long talks and countless acts of reassurance, but Brynn eventually came around to the idea. Before they knew it, Brynn was just as excited for the upcoming babies as they were. Jo was worried throughout her whole pregnancy. Since she was almost forty, she was now considered to have a geriatric pregnancy. Just the word ‘geriatric’ did nothing to soothe any woman’s nerves, but add that to the fact that Jo was a surgeon and knew all the risks of pregnancy, and she was practically a mess the first few months. As it turned out, the twins ended up being her easiest pregnancy, since Brynn decided to make her entrance into the world four weeks early and while she was carrying Rory she had the occasional spotting that terrified her to her core every time, worried that she was miscarrying. 

The twins ended up being born at thirty-five weeks, perfectly healthy. The only thing that gave Jo any trouble at all was the severe morning sickness, which turned out to be all day sickness. 

But in the end it was way more than worth it. Faye was pretty much Jo reincarnated, just like Brynn. Every aspect about her was exactly like her mom. Her hair, her eyes, her face shape, chin. The only thing that she inherited was the Karev crooked grin, which all of their children had. (She didn’t even have a big Karev head when she was born!) 

Bridgette on the other hand, was all Alex, except for the eye color. Between her potty mouth, sassy attitude, and overall appearance, she was the female mini evil-spawn. 

The Evil Spawn Jr, title belonged to Rory, who was basically the male version of Bridgette. Same spunk, same mischievous smirk. Jo was always telling him that she didn’t know what she did to deserve three devil’s in her house. Alex always found that one really funny. 

“You guys got everything?” he questions the two, who nod their heads up and down enthusiastically, skipping to the car and greeting their siblings. 

He drives the twenty-five minutes back to his house, the twins chattering about in the back seat. 

“And then Julie showed her her math problems, and I tried to tell her they were wrong, but she just wouldn’t listen!”

“Tommy was sooo annoying. I kept telling him to stop making noises with his pencil, but he just rolled it back and forth so many times!”

Alex laughs under his breath, listening partially to the twins’s conversation. They sounded exactly like how Cristina and Mer used to rant about completely different things to each other, so it never failed to make him think back to the ‘olden days’ as he and Meredith liked to call them. 

If someone were to tell cocky, intern Alex that he would be happily married to the love of his life for (legally) fifteen years, father of four kids, and lived in a house that literally had a white picket fence on the outside of it, he would’ve sent them to a long term psychiatric care facility, because there was no way he would ever have that life. (A life he always secretly wanted, tucked into the very tiniest corner of his brain so it could never venture farther than a fleeting thought here or there). 

“--We’re here,” he calls out, shutting off the engine as he parks in the driveway, the kids unbuckling their seatbelts and scrambling out of the car, eager to escape the confines of the vehicle and enjoy the peace of their rooms. 

Once all five were inside, he watched as the four children parted ways. “Faye, Bridge, you have thirty minutes of reading down here. Ror, you have that history test you need to study for, and Brynn, you know what you need to do.” he says, his two oldest tromping up the stairs as the twins take their place in the living room on separate seats, already engrossed in the books they needed to read as part of their daily homework assignments. 

Alex lets out a tired sigh as he flops onto the couch, more than tempted to grab the remote from the side table and flick on ESPN, but knew that he couldn’t. As much as the girls loved reading, they got distracted from books really easily. Loud horns, cheers, and buzzers wouldn’t be the way to go if he wanted any work to get done. Instead, he plucks the iPad from the coffee table, picking up where he left off that morning with an online medical article.

Before he knew it, Faye and Bridgette’s timer had rung out and they started on their math homework on the kitchen island, something that they finished with ease. Another trait Alex was grateful the children inherited from Jo, her smarts. (Specifically in math)

“Ugh!” he hears a loud exclaim from upstairs, causing him to look up from the device in his hands and glance towards the steps, half expecting an angry looking Brynn to come storming out at any moment. He huffs, focusing his attention back to the iPad in hand when no mini Jo comes down. 

“No! There are no other ways!”

Another loud groan of frustration. 

“Son of a butthead! There are NO more ways! None! I don't know how the frick to prove that the freakin angle is congruent!”

Alex debates ignoring it and letting his daughter figure it out on his own, that is until he hears something hit a wall. He quickly makes his way up the stairs and to Brynn’s bedroom, standing in the doorway for a few seconds, trying to observe the scene. 

Brynn’s normally pristine room had books scattered on the ground, blankets thrown to the side, and an open notebooks posed at an awkward angle on the floor. 

Well, at least he knew what hit the wall.  

Brynn sat on her bed, literally glaring at her computer screen, partially debating whether or not to throw the expensive device across the room. She didn’t break eye contact, as if she was in a staring contest. Alex wanted to laugh, but he knew a deathly glare would be sent his way if he did. 

He knocks on the wood door, sending a questioning glance Brynn’s way as she finally breaks her stare with the inanimate object. “Everything okay?”

The brunette huffs loudly, bouncing back onto the bed as she lets out a groan. 

“I hate proofs.” she turns her head to look at her dad, Jo’s signature puppy dog face plastered on her features. He couldn’t help but chuckle. It was crazy how much Brynn looked like Jo. Add that onto the fact that she too shared a love for flannels and jeans, she was pretty much what he imagined a fourteen year old Jo to look like. When he first found out that Brynn was going to be a girl, he said to Jo, ‘I’m gonna need a gun.’ 

Luckily, that never happened, partially because of the fact that Alex hated guns and Brynn had yet to have a boyfriend. He was more than thankful for that. Especially since he’d seen couples at Brynn’s school canoodling in what they thought was private, even though they were in full view of everyone. He’d be fine with his not-so-little little girl dating when she was twenty-five, no earlier. Any man before that would not be very fortunate. 

“I’ll help,” Alex says, taking a spot next to her and Brynn begins to show he dad the problems on her screen, going on about how she was struggling to figure it out. 

Shouldn’t be too hard, right?

____

Jo Karev was thrilled when Bailey offered to take over her service for the rest of the day. Her husband had gotten off early, and Bailey knew how much of a struggle it was to spend quality time with family as a surgeon. 

She thanked Bailey so many times she lost count, all while boasting a large smile. She couldn’t remember the last time both she and Alex had been home before five o’clock. All she wanted was to go home, snuggle with her babies, and spend time with her husband. Well, her babies weren’t technically babies anymore, Brynn was fourteen, Rory was nearly twelve, and the twins were seven, but nevertheless, they would always be her babies. (Who cared if Rory was five foot three and already almost as tall as her? He was still such a mommy’s boy.)

She drove home with a smile on her face, humming along to the songs on the radio. She was so happy. She wanted to take her kids in her arms, and watch action movies on the couch while they pigged out on pizza together. 

When she pulls up in the drive she practically bounces up the steps to the house, swinging open the door and dropping her coat carelessly onto the rack. She hadn’t texted Alex to let him know she was coming home early, in hopes to make it a joyful surprise. 

Her heart stopped momentarily at the sound of yelling coming from upstairs. Arguments between Brynn and Alex were few and far between, but when they did happen, they were nasty. Alex always felt like crap for days afterward and Brynn stayed quiet, both at home and at school. 

“Do the reflexive property again!”

“Dad we already did that!”

“Well do it again!”

“Why?!”

“Do you see any other way to do it?”

“How is that going to help!”

“It just is!”

“Dad, we've done the reflexive property five times now!”

“You think I don’t know that!”

“Say that segment DA is congruent to AD.”

“But-”

“There are literally no other fucking ways to do it! It’s fucking shit! Thats what it is!”

“You act as if I didn’t already freakin know that!”

A loud groan. 

“What the fuck even is this one! We’ve managed to do three of them already. Try proving the triangles congruent now. Push random ones, like Side-Angle-Side.” 

“This is crap! ‘You don’t have enough proof to show that the blah blah blah.’ Stupid freaking thing! Freaking worthless!”

Jo is unable to suppress her giggle, clasping a hand over her mouth, trying not to make too much noise. It was a relief to know that the current screaming match going on wasn’t an argument. 

“They’ve been at that for an hour and a half now.” she hears her son pipe in, drawing her attention to where he sat on the couch. 

Jo sets her bag down on the table, greeting her son with a large hug, “Hi bubs.” she mumbles into his hair, feeling his arms wrap back around her. In private, Rory was the biggest cuddler, touchy-feely person you’d ever met, but in front of his friends he tried way too hard to show he was ‘too cool’ for hugging his mom, so Jo took in these moments and held them close to her heart.

“An hour and a half huh?” she chuckles, running a hand through her son’s gelled hair. 

Rory snickers, hazel eyes shining with mischief, “Yeah, dad won’t stop cursing and Tissy just keeps screaming alongside him,” he sits back onto the couch. “I’m surprised neither one of them had lost their voice yet.” he smirks his crooked Karev smirk, focusing his attention on the TV where he had opened up netflix, where he was currently binging Bates Motel. The name ‘Tissy’ came from when he was younger and couldn’t for the life of him say either Brynn nor Sissy. It seemed to have stuck all these years, and he was the only one who ever called his older sister that, even ten years later.

She sees him cringe, “I never called you mother right?” he asks, eyes not leaving the screen, where a certain Norman Bates is practically spooning his own mother in the bed, claiming that he couldn’t sleep. 

Jo snorts, ruffling his hair fondly, “Definitely not. And if you ever do, you’re dead Ror, hear me?”

Rory rolls his eyes playfully, giving his mom a grin. “I won’t. Promise.”

Jo heads up the stairs, the loud yells continuing to echo through the halls, which she chooses to ignore. 

“Dad for the fiftieth freaking time-”

“--What’s going on here?” Jo questions, causing both her husband and daughter to break away their concentration from the computer screen. 

Brynn’s face lights up at the sight of her mom standing in the doorway, more than thankful to have someone who actually knew stuff help her with her math. “Mom!” she exclaims, getting up from her place on the bed to give her mother a hug. 

“Hey baby. Care to explain to me why the second I walk through the door I'm greeted with screaming?” She questions, eyebrows raised as she sees Alex sheepishly avoid eye contact, suddenly finding the pictures that hung on the wall very interesting. 

Brynn smirks, “Well, Dad sucks at math so-”

“--Hey!” Alex interrupts, crossing his arms over his chest. “I haven’t done this crap in like thirty years!” He defends himself.

Jo rolls her eyes and smiles of her own gracing her lips as she reaches the bed and takes a look at the problems on the computer. “Proofs?” she asks from confirmation, earning a nod from her husband and daughter. 

She hums, “Given: segment CA bisects angle BAD and segment CA bisects BCD. Prove: triangle ABC is congruent to triangle ADC.” she murmurs to herself.

The brunette laughs when she sees the fact that the pair had put down some form of the ‘reflexive property’ not one, not two, but seven times.

She grins triumphantly as she remembers how to do the problem, the skills seemingly coming back to her after years of them being dormant. “Next statement is angle BCA is congruent to DCA because…” she scrolls through the possible options the box provided, smirking when she found the right one. “An angle bisector divides an angle into two congruent angles.”  

She watches as an angle pops up on the screen, only encouraging her to continue, “Then… angle DAC is congruent to angle BAC because an angle bisector divides an angle into two congruent angles.” 

Another angle comes up. 

“Finally,” she smirks, glancing to the side of for a brief second to take in the draw dropped stares of the two behind her. Brynn was a whiz at math like her mom, but proofs was something she’d been struggling with since they’d started learning them yesterday. Geometry was no joke. Her and her dad had already gotten almost all of the problems done, but it had taken so long to do a few measly problems that they’d lost track of just how long they'd been sitting in the room, arguing back and forth over different possibilities to try. 

“Triangle ABC is congruent to triangle ADC, reason being Angle-Side-Angle.” 

She grins, wiping her hands together as she hits the submit button, a large green check with a correct! floating on the screen, going over the ways to solve the problem. 

Alex glares at her. He’d been working on these fucking proofs for so long now, and Jo just comes in and completes it in less than a minute?

“I hate you.” he gruffs, still glaring at both his wife and the computer. 

Jo giggles, leaning over and pecking her husband’s lips. “Love you too.” 

She begins to walk out of the room, stopping and calling out over her shoulder as she reaches the doorway, “Now you just need to make sure the twins did their homework!”

[dascarecrow]

Scarecrow Thoughts - Wandavision Ep. 6

Beware of spoilers 

-Title is “All-New Halloween Spooktacular!” So we’ve gotten to the Halloween episode. Was expecting it to be later in the series. 

-Opening credits are an homage to those of Malcolm In The Middle. Interestingly Agnes and Pietro both are credited during this. Hmmmm... 

-We get straight to the Halloween stuff and we get some solid personalities for the twins. Billy is the more thoughtful and tempered one, going into a diatribe about the spirituality of Halloween. Tommy is the snarky and abrasive one, thinking Halloween is just about candy. Nice touch, I wasn’t expecting much distinction between the two. 

-Billy is speaking to the audience directly, so I guess they’re going wholesale on the Malcolm in the Middle vibe. 

-Billy is dressed up in his Wiccan costume from the comics. Really didn’t expect that.  

-Pietro is sleeping on the couch while the twins debate waking him up, unaware that he just did and pranks them a bit. So Quicksilver is in the role of the looser, fun uncle here. About what I would expect. 

-Wanda hears the commotion and comes downstairs, dressed in her classic costume. The twins both get some depth with their responses. Billy guesses Old Red Riding Hood, showing some snark of his own. Tommy actually likes it, showing some sincerity and warmth but changes his opinion when Pietro claims it’s lame. 

-Wanda claims the costume is supposed to be of a Sokovian fortune teller. Nice bit of backstory, don’t know if that’s the case in the comics. I don’t think it is. 

-Pietro reminds Wanda of one Halloween as kids. Wanda remembers them getting a fish, much to their young selves revulsion. Funny scene but there is gunfire in the background so trauma rears it’s head again. Wanda claims she remembers the incident differently and Pietro notes she’s suppressed a lot of trauma. 

-Billy comments that Wanda had been acting oddly since Pietro’s arrival but puts it down to her not seeing him for a long time. Uh Billy if your fully aware of what’s going on then get a message to a nice lady named Monica Rambeau, she’ll be able to help you and your family. 

-Vision comes downstairs in his classic costume, which is simply great. We get an example of his and Pietro’s relationship which is mostly Pietro’s childishness clashing with his straightforward nature. Vision notes that Wanda hasn’t spoken about her brother much, which might be a big contributing factor to this whole mess. He also gives his opinion that Pietro is “great with kids”. Woah Vision did you just snark of your own volition? I know you got a dig in on Ultron but dang. You were built by Tony Snark after all. 

-Vision reveals that the costume was all that was in his closet, with the implication that Wanda made so it was all that he could wear. It also seems that Wanda has a thing for Mexican wrestlers. I did not know that. 

-Vision heads out on his own, much to Wanda’s confusion. He claims that it’s for neighborhood watch duties but Wanda is confused but it’s not what he’s supposed to do. Vision interrupts her and she stands down so he still has his awareness of things being wrong and Wanda can’t push too hard without more problems it would seem.  

-Billy comments on Wanda and Vision’s recent issues but Pietro notices him speaking to the audience. Intriguing. 

-The conflict gets settled with Pietro offering to step in for handling the boys tonight. He spooks Wanda with an in-show jump scare, which might hint at more sinister doings. Wanda comments he can’t for lack of a costume but he just zooms out with Tommy and both come back wearing their comic costumes. So good. Also this might be coincidental but Pietro’s hairstyle could also be devil horns. Regardless Wanda threatens to magic him into a pickled herring if he causes too much trouble. 

-Outside of the Hex, we get to enjoy the “How do you screw up a bad situation for the worse show.” Hayward has officially broken through the ice and I... I really wish he hadn’t. So from now on I will be calling him Haywad for he is unfit to be addressed by his actual name. 

-Monica calls Haywad out on his stunt with the drone while he tries brushing her off. Darcy snarks at how he got outdone last episode and he questions if Darcy works for SWORD. Actually a good question. She’s with Monica it would seem. Hayward gets his own moment snark by asking who’s the sassy best friend but good old Jimmy tells him off for trying to diminish the people who are actually handling the situation and know what their doing while also trying to start a fight with Wanda. 

- “Maximoff was never going to negotiate with us.” I’ll admit she probably wasn’t going to but trying to blow her up before even offering her a chance is a bit too far Haywad. 

-Haywad wants to take Wanda out as a quick and easy fix to things but Monica makes a point that they don’t know for certain that will happen or what else might happen if she dies while the Hex is up. A bit of a reach and I can see Haywad’s logic but I’ve heard worse rationales. 

-Monica continues her defense by pointing out that they don’t have anywhere near the firepower to outstrip Wanda and winding her up is just escalating things worse. As Monica puts it Wanda is the problem and also the only workable solution they’ve got. 

-Haywad is unflappable in his position, declaring Monica an impediment to the mission but he doesn’t stop there. He gets on her case for her defense of superpowered beings, even acknowledging her history with Carol. He goes on a rant about how the Snap devastated the world and how difficult choices needed to be made in light of what happened. The narrative almost paints him as a man pushed into a bad state of mind by how the world was ruined. And I call bullcrap. 

-Monica’s response? “Don’t use the last five years as an excuse to be a coward.” Oh yes! I hate it when people try to use their dark past as an excuse to lash out and lower themselves to cruelty. I also love it when these people get called on their bullcorn and have how selfish they really are laid out. Tragedy befalls us all... and life goes on uncaring of our struggles. 

-Heywad’s response is to belittle Monica by telling her it was a good thing she wasn’t here for her mother’s death because she doesn’t have the stomach for their work. Oh you son of a... those aren’t fighting words, that’s a full on declaration of war.  And he follows that up by ordering Monica, Darcy and Woo expelled from the area. 

-Woo notes that Heywad is overstepping his authority with this stunt. Oh Jimmy you magnificent so and so I could slap you with a wet pancake! I knew Heywad was up to something that could give him trouble and you just made that clear for the audience. This isn’t just a SWORD mission this is a co-op between them and the FBI. And the dorkrector just tried to force their main agent on the ground off the assignment for no reason. Oh ho ho, Heywad just put himself in the line of fire and I can’t wait for someone to pull the trigger. 

-Woo cold clocks the soldiers escorting them off base and Monica joins in, knocking them all out. “Why didn’t anyone tell me the plan?” Oh Darcy never stop being delightful. After stashing the soldiers and going with the old MCU standby of disguises that don’t really disguise you the trio gets back to work. 

-Back in the Hex the family gets going on trick or treating with Wanda taking the chance to question Pietro about their past. He knows she’s trying to test him, admitting that he looks different from how she remembers. He guesses that it’s because Wanda doesn’t want to be reminded of the past in her little bubble of paradise. Is he aware of what’s going on or what? 

-Pietro takes the kids off to get into some mischief while Wanda goes to speak with Herb. The brief sequence is hilarious but Herb reveals that Vision isn’t on duty for the watch. Then there’s a slightly disturbing scene where Herb asks if Wanda wants something changed. She declines but it’s clear something is going on. 

-Vision is off by himself and sees a couple repeating the motions of setting up Halloween decorations. One of them sheds a single tear. Oh not that cheap trick for drama again. Also eerie.... 

-We get to the commercial for the episode and it’s one of those claymation snack commercials. Which ends with a kid starving to death and turning into a skeleton trying to open the snack. Uh... Okay then. Let’s just go back to the... just as ominous parts of the setting. 

-Wanda makes the boys return the candy that Pietro helped them steal and is upset with how bad of an influence he’s being. Pietro notes he’s just playing his part, literally that is. He’s hitting all the boxes of the standard fun loving uncle in a sitcom. He says to Wanda that she wanted “to give you grief”. Okay hopefully Pietro’s presence is Wanda trying to work through the grieving process so she can figure out what’s going on and fix it. 

-Wanda questions Pietro’s missing accent and he fires back about how she’s missing hers. He claims that the details of his return are fuzzy, the last thing he remembers being his death before Wanda called for him. This does not prove it is the MCU version of Quicksilver with a facelift okay. It could still be the Fox version with MCU Pietro’s memories zapped into his mind. 

-The boys get excited about a candy score and Tommy literally zooms there and back with superspeed. He doesn’t even seem aware of it until Pietro points it out, at which point he does as children and has fun with his new powers. I just love how Wanda just catches him no problem while he’s zipping around, no powers needed. She lets the boys head off for some solo candy hunting but warns them not to go past Ellis Avenue. I know Ellis is the name of a comic worker I just can’t remember which one. 

-We return to the SWORD base for another installment of “Keeping your idiotic boss from destroying the world.” It is sad that there are actually enough moments like this in the MCU to be a thing. The trio find a computer room and Monica discovers Pietro’s presence in the Hex. “He brought the wrong face” So funny! Monica doesn’t want to hang around too long, which is smart. Darcy hacks into the computer systems for the compound, which is extra smart. Seriously a degree in astrophysics and computer hacking skills, what have you been up to in the... decade since we last saw you? 

-What does Darcy find? Well Haywad found a way to look through the boundary and didn’t tell anyone. I am so looking forward to his downfall. Turns out Vision is being tracked through the decay signature of vibranium, which I will admit is at least clever. The tracking method also shows the residents of Westview in Vision’s immediate vicinity. Good old Jimmy goes right into work mode, figuring that Haywad must have a near accurate head count and assessment of the residents wellbeing by now. He takes note of the denizens at the edge of the Hex barely moving and questions if they’re even alive. 

-Cue Vision discovering a group of completely immobile residents. Wary of the whole situation Vision assumes his normal superhero look and takes flight, discovering that the inner depths of the town are plenty active and behaving normally. This is a very well shot sequence just showing him flying and capturing the unsettling nature of what’s going on. While airborne Vision takes notice of a stopped car near the border. 

-Turns out its Agnes in the car. She seems to be in a mental short circuit at the moment. She asks Vision for directions... in a town she supposedly grew up in. Vision worriedly does his mind trick to free her suppressed personality and she quickly identifies him as an Avenger, believing he’s there to help everyone. Vision does want to help but is clueless about what an Avenger is, so it seems he hasn’t regained any of his memories yet. This leads to the “Am I dead?” discussion from the trailer. Vision needs it clarified for him that Agnes believes he’s dead. Several times. Vision wants to leave Westview to figure out what’s going on but Agnes questions how. No one leaves, which isn’t true you just have to tick off a reality warping witch. Agnes identifies that Wanda is the one in peoples head, preventing them from even thinking of leaving. While that does sound incriminating we still don’t know everything that’s going on so I’m staying hopeful. Agnes isn’t however as she winds up going on about how “All is lost” and cackling until Vision zaps her brain back into the illusion. So I guess she isn’t evil here. Once Agnes is back on her disturbingly merry way Vision makes his way to the boundary line. 

-Back with the trio Monica gets a response from her engineer associate who is coming with the way back into the Hex they started on last week and wants to head out to meet them. Darcy mentions they can’t do that. “Sure we can. I’m a whiz at hot wiring cars.” Ha ha ha ha ha! Okay that was funny. Monica thinks the worst case scenario is her getting whammied and dressed up again but it turns out Monica specifically can’t go back in because every time she crosses the boundary her cells get transformed. Monica balks at the data, mentioning she’s seen enough lab results for a life time. She goes on and talks about what she went through with her mother’s cancer and reveals that’s why she wants to help Wanda, because Monica has been through grief like her and wants to do what she can to help her through it. 

-Darcy chooses to stay behind so she can find what Haywad is hiding, feeling it could help them get answers about the whole thing. Monica and Woo aren’t crazy about the idea because of how dangerous it is but relent and go on their way. The Son of Odin would be proud of you Darcy. 

-Back in the Hex Wanda and Pietro talk about how nice Westview is and how their parents would have loved it. So of course Pietro ruins it by asking where the kids were until now. Okay that’s a bit unsettling. He thinks Wanda just had them asleep and didn’t want them traumatized, which starts getting her bothered. Pietro praises her for her handling of the ethical ramifications of her little bubble. Families and couples aren’t split up, most personalities are close to their normal ones, they even have better jobs. Pietro how do you know all of that? Wanda is surprised that he is okay with all of this, which sadly proves that Wanda is aware of what she’s doing. Pietro is actually impressed with how much Wanda’s powers have grown. 

-Pietro continues the ominous vibe by asking how Wanda did all of this. She’s reluctant to tell him but he wins her over with their familial bond. Wanda doesn’t know how she’s done all of this, just remembers overwhelming and all consuming grief. So we’re about where we started and what’s behind all of this. 

-Wanda takes a moment to compose herself and sees Pietro as his gunned down corpse for a moment, just like she saw Vision two episodes back. Pietro questions if she’s okay and balks when she tries to confirm she is. Seriously what is up with you Pietro. You better not be Mephisto I swear. 

-Darcy finds something called Cataract in Haywad’s files. The file says its Eyes Only so I think she can’t see what it actually is but I don’t know. She sends an e-mail to Jimmy before she notices that Vision has made his way to the boundary. And she notices because Haywad did. Uh oh. 

-Vision crosses the boundary but I wouldn’t say it’s successful. There’s an energy effect connecting him to the line, which seems to be trying to keep him in or pull him back in. Parts of Vision start breaking off and getting pulled back into the field. 

-And where is Haywad during all of this? Just standing there doing nothing while commenting on how much Vision must want to escape. Okay Haywad if your going to be a jerk and possibly evil then can you at least be smart at it. There is no reason for you to just be standing around. Unless your hoping that some part of Vision is still remaining for you to collect but I highly doubt that will happen. 

-Darcy charges in to try and help Vision but of course these guys are from incompetence incorporated so they keep her from helping. Oh Haywad is going to get the mother of all lighting bolts shoved up his rear when Thor finds out about this. 

-Billy is somehow perceiving Vision’s struggle at the moment hearing his fathers voice in his head. He stops Tommy with telekinetic powers and goes to Wanda to save him. 

-Vision is still desperately struggling and begs SWORD to help the people of Westview. Hero to the end that one. 

-Pietro makes a tasteless joke about Vision can’t die twice and gets blasted for the remark. Should not move mouth faster than brain can think. 

-Billy is able to to focus his powers to figure out what’s happening. They seem a bit different than Wanda’s. He’s either mentally linked to Vision in the moment or he’s clairvoyantly witnessing what happens. Billy worries that his father is dying. 

-Wanda stops the town cold in its tracks and focuses her powers. Monica and Jimmy notice that the field is moving so it seems that Wanda is expanding it. The SWORD agents try to flee and the one who cuffed Darcy leaves her behind, only to get abandoned by his fellow agents. Delicious karma. The restores Vision once it passes over him but it doesn’t stop there. The Hex keeps growing and expanding, ensnaring almost all of the SWORD personnel. Only Haywad and a few agents remain and I know this is a bad thing but in the immediate moment for him I can only think “Yeah Wanda zap him, zap him good.” We see the Hex growing without end and the episode ends with a cut to Wanda as the red glow fades from her eyes. 

Final thoughts 

-Can’t tell if this is the era for the 90s or the 00s. I’m personally ascribing to 90s because of the commercial fitting the aesthetic of that era better. 

-Evan Peters as Pietro is a delight. He honestly comes across as his character from the Fox movies dropped into the MCU and it is done very organically. I sincerely hope that he actually is the Fox version of Quicksilver brought to this universe because that would be amazing. 

-Haywad has officially used up my good will towards him. I was willing to give the benefit of the doubt until he brought Monica’s mother into things. That was just low and solely to hurt her. At this point it’s a toss up over Wanda zapping him, Vision rearranging his insides from the outside, Monica frying his rear end with her incoming powers or Woo getting him trouble through good old fashion legal fu. 

-I think we can safely say that the Vision sight we saw in episode 4 was just a hallucination as we see the same effects when Wanda looks at Pietro and Vision doesn’t wind up looking anything like his destroyed self from Infinity War once he crosses the boundary. 

-Liked what they did with Tommy and Billy. I was not expecting them to do much with the two but they already have their powers. I’ve been hearing rumors about the Young Avengers making their way to the MCU but its one of the teams I don’t really follow. If it happens great, if not I don’t really care. 

-Woo proves to be an MVP, schooling people with his words and decking them the heck out when he has to. You know mister Woo the United Nations is trying to put togethers a group known as the Agents of Atlas, could we interest you in a position. 

-It is fully confirmed that Wanda does know what is going and is willingly continuing it. There is a semi-confirmation that she is trying to do right by the people of the town like trying to protect the children but the fact is she knows she’s keeping them trapped so there had better be a dang good reason for wanting to keep this going or so help me Wanda we will get someone in there that takes you down. 

[tomeandflickcorner]

Episode Review- The Real Ghostbusters: Devil in the Deep

As far as Peter centric episodes go, I’d say this was acceptable.  At the very least, it gave him the chance to save the day.

This particular episode is particularly unique because we get to see the episode’s Big Bad from the starting gate. After an establishing shot of the East River, we go beneath the water, where a large, green entity that almost looks like a cross between a frog and a dragon is lurking around. After essentially mugging the camera, the creature, whose name will eventually be revealed as Necksa, blows air out from his blowhole, releasing a group of smaller entities.

It then cuts to elsewhere in the city, where an unnamed man is taking a bath while listening to the radio.  The radio announcer states that the city was currently on Day 12 of the nastiest heat wave New York had ever seen, and that the temperature was currently a blistering 101°. The radio announcer then reminded listeners that there was also a water shortage and people weren’t supposed to be wasting water.  Meaning absolutely no baths- only quick showers.  Upon hearing this, the bathing man simply gives his radio a dirty look before going back to his book. (The book appears to be written by Herman Melville, but the title seems to be Lovely (words) Songs, which isn’t listed among Melville’s works.  I’m guessing the people who animated this scene were trying to make a reference to Melville’s famous novel, Moby Dick, considering the episode contains an aquatic monster, but I can’t find any reason why they would make up that particular title.)  At that moment, as if karma was coming for the bathing man, an octopus/lobster-like creature emerged from the bathwater, scaring the bathing man.

Over at the Firehouse, Peter is regaling the story of how they defeated Gozer to Alice Johnson, a journalist from Celebrity Magazine, while Egon, Ray and Winston stood by.  Although, it’s quickly established that Alice is less than impressed with Peter.  She reminds him that she came down there to interview all of the Ghostbusters, but so far, Peter’s been the only one who was talking.  For two hours, 22 minutes and 16 seconds, to be precise.  Peter, not batting an eye, promptly begins to introduce Ray. Although, even then, he doesn’t seem to be letting Ray talk for himself.  Instead, he’s pretty much telling Alice Ray’s life story for him. At that moment, the phone rings. (Though Ray reacts to the phone ringing before it actually rings, so there was probably some sort of error in syncing up the audio or something.)  When Janine answers it, it’s immediately obvious something is different about her attire.  Janine spends the duration of her time in this episode wearing a leopard-print bikini. It’s never explained why, though. Offhand, I’d guess it was because it was previously established that it was unbearably hot in the city.  But if that was their reasoning for this costuming choice, you’d think they would have reflected that with the Ghostbusters and Alice Johnson.  But they don’t do that.  The Ghostbusters are all still wearing their jumpsuits. And Alice is wearing long sleeves and slacks.  So, why exactly would they put Janine in a skimpy bikini while nobody else was dressed for hot weather?  Was this supposed to be an odd attempt at fan service?

Bizarre costuming decisions aside, the phone call is coming from Mayor Lenny, who states he only wants to talk to Egon.  When Egon accepts the phone and listens to Mayor Lenny’s request, he passes on the news to the other Ghostbusters over how the city’s water supply appears to be haunted, as reports from all five boroughs were coming in.  However, in one of the episode’s strangest moments, the Ghostbusters simply stand there until Janine hits the alarm button.  Do the Ghostbusters just love the sound of the alarm ringing so much, they can’t head out until after they hear it?

So the Ghostbusters head off, though Alice is tagging along for some reason.  I guess she really wants to do a thorough job in her article for Celebrity Magazine.  At least the episode addresses this, with Egon warning her that they might be going into a dangerous situation and Alice telling him that she’s hoping for an exciting story to tell when she submits her report.  She then makes it abundantly clear that she does not think much of Peter when she gives Egon and Ray permission to call her Alice but coldly states Peter is only allowed to call her Miss Johnson.  When the Ghostbusters make it to the designated location, they find a crowd of people running in fright from a fire hydrant that is spurting out water.  A large group of entities are also emerging from the hydrant. Ray is able to identify the entities as Undines, which are a group of water spirits.  Egon voices his skepticism, as Undines were thought to be benevolent spirits while these entities were displaying malevolent traits.   But before more could be said, Winston alerts the others to how the Undines were coming right for them. Dodging their attack, the Ghostbusters all drop to the ground, with Peter pulling Alice out of harm’s way. This briefly seems to get Peter on Alice’s good side, as she now gives him permission to call her by her first name. But the offer is revoked in the next second because Peter chooses this moment to duck down in order to pick up a quarter.  And in that brief moment of Peter being distracted, one of the Undines flies headlong into Alice, resulting in her getting drenched.

The Ghostbusters begin firing their Proton Packs at the Undines.  But then they realize that they forgot to bring any Ghost Traps, which triggers a brief argument between Ray and Peter over whose turn it had been to bring the Ghost Traps.  Winston questions what they’re supposed to do without a trap, as they can hardly stand there and hold the Undines indefinably.  Before they can come up with something, they feel something fighting against the Proton Streams.  Moments later, the Undines seem to be dissolving, but Egon realizes they’re actually returning to their original primal state.  (So, they’re de-evolving?  Is that possible?)  As the Undines retreat, they begin chanting the name ‘Necksa.’  In a matter of moments, the Undines all retreat back into the fire hydrant, with the water stream being pulled back as well.  When things appear back to normal, Alice announces how this will make a wonderful story for Celebrity Magazine, adding that she’ll be sure to include the part where Peter forgot to bring the Ghost Traps.  Peter is particularly humiliated by this, as his mother reads Celebrity Magazine.  (Odd, I’d gotten the impression from previous episodes that Peter’s mother had died years ago.)  Alice then asks Egon about the name the Undines had been chanting.  Upon consulting his copy of Tobin’s Spirit Guide, Egon determines that Necksa was the lord of the Undines and master of all water elementals.  He was also one of the most powerful of the primal gods.  They realize that it must have been Necksa who called the Undines back. Winston instantly displays some natural intelligence, deducing that if the water supply was haunted, and all the water is coming from the East River, then it stands to reason that Necksa must be located somewhere in the East River.  So the Ghostbusters immediately head off to investigate this new lead.

They rent a speedboat and steer it out into the East River. Though this time, they leave Alice waiting on the dock to ensure she won’t be put in danger.  As they go along, Winston takes the time to poke some fun at Peter over how Alice clearly doesn’t like Peter and pretty much has it out for him.  Their conversation is cut off when Egon alerts them to the fact that the PKE Meter is going haywire, and they’re surrounded by an army of Undines chanting Necksa’s name.  Seconds later, Necksa himself surfaces from beneath the water, destroying their speedboat in the process.  Necksa immediately scolds the Ghostbusters for hurting his children.  And Peter makes the situation worse when he calls the Undines ugly.  Egon quickly steps in before Peter could further aggravate Necksa, telling the primal god that the Undines were causing harm to the city.  But this seems to anger Necksa even more, as he states he doesn’t care for such things.  Necksa then informs the Ghostbusters that he had slumbered beneath the sea for thousands of years, with the undersea currents carrying him around as he slept.  But his slumber was disturbed when workmen from the city had begun laying out new pipelines, which not only resulted in the East River being polluted, but it also significantly drained the water.  When Necksa was abruptly woken up by this, he discovered a world far different than the one he remembered.  Now, Necksa feels it’s time for ‘the change.’  (And right after he announces this, we get a super-close up of his eyes for some reason.) When Winston questions him on what he plans to do, Necksa announces his intention to torment the land-dwelling population of New York for a time.  And when he’s done with that, he plans on sinking the island of Manhattan and claiming it as his own.

And this is when we get a rather big head-scratching moment.  As the Ghostbusters try to come up with a way to stop this, Ray asks for confirmation that the Proton Guns went down with the speedboat.  Even though they’re clearly still wearing the Proton Packs.  (Aren’t the Proton Guns attached to the Proton Packs?) Egon tells Ray, that, even if they hadn’t lost the Proton Guns, they’d probably be ineffective anyway. Necksa is so massive, the Proton Streams would have bounced right off him.  But then Ray suddenly announces he found his Proton Gun and he opens fire at Necksa. Even though Egon had literally just told him that wouldn’t work.  Seriously, what was going on here?  They don’t have the Proton Guns but then Ray suddenly is able to produce his out of thin air?  And then Ray impulsively fires it off despite him just being told it wouldn’t do any good? Yeah, there’s a giant question mark hovering over my head here. In any event, as Egon predicted, this doesn’t accomplish anything, other than making Necksa even angrier.  And Necksa responds by swallowing the Ghostbusters Jonah and the Whale style.  However, he does end up spitting Peter back out through his blowhole.  

Peter ends up getting blown all the way back to the docks. Upon climbing out of the water, he is immediately greeted by Alice, who doesn’t hesitate to pour salt in his wounds by stating she’d seen the whole thing unfold from the dock, telling him that he really blew it this time and that she plans on calling her article ‘The Ghostbusters’ Last Case.’  With that, she walks off, leaving Peter sitting there. But then, Peter seems to get an idea. He returns to the Firehouse and promptly begins gathering up various objects such as a generator and a lamp from Janine’s desk.  As he loads the items into the Ecto-1, Janinie (who is still in the bikini), is going nuts over the fact that the city is overrun with Undines and Egon, Ray and Winston have been swallowed up by Necksa.  Peter, however, tells her to calm down and instructs her to pass a message on to Alice that she should meet him at the docks around 10 PM, and that she should make sure she brought her camera along.

After nightfall, Peter heads out to confront Necksa again in another speedboat.  (Though I feel I should point out he’s taking a great risk by taking a boat out onto the water in the middle of a thunderstorm.  Being out in the water is one of the worst places to be when there’s lightning.)  Upon reaching the middle of the East River, Peter manages to get Necksa to appear by directly insulting him.  Necksa didn’t take the insult well, and he begins to chase after Peter. However, Peter clearly planned for this, as he manages to lure Necksa right into a fishing net tent he’d rigged up.  With Necksa trapped in the fishing nets, Peter begins to fire off the modified Proton Thrower he’d put together with the items he’d collected from the Firehouse.  As he fires the modified Proton Thrower, Peter announces this new invention of his fires off microwave particles that are capable of sucking up all of the moisture in Necksa’s body.  Necksa cries out in pain, beseeching Peter to release him.  Peter agreed to do so, on the condition that Necksa spit out his friends and then leave the city with the Undines in order to settle in a place where there aren’t any humans. Although, Peter suggests Necksa relocate to Antartica. While it is true there aren’t any permanent human settlements down there (at least, none that I know of), I’m pretty sure a lot of glaciologists and other scientists from various fields frequently conduct research down there.  So I doubt Necksa will be completely able to avoid humans down there.  Of course, this is a kids’ show, so I probably shouldn’t expect them to be that accurate.

Necksa agrees to Peter’s terms and subsequently spits out Egon, Ray and Winston.  As Peter reunites with his friends on the docks. Egon voices his amazement that Peter had been able to construct something as complex as the Microwave Proton Thrower.  Peter states that it was easy. But then, when he tries to activate it again, it immediately blows up.  (Good thing Neskca agreed to leave when he did.)  At that moment, Alice reappears on the scene.  She tells Peter she’d got his message and had once again arrived in time to see what he did.  She apologizes for misjudging him and asks for his forgiveness.  Peter accepts her apology, and Alice proceeds to get a picture of all the Ghostbusters together for the cover page of the next issue of Celebrity Magazine.

This episode is probably a must-see for Peter fans, as it does give him a chance to shine.  While Peter is definitely full of hot air and can be a screw up at times, the fact remains that he is still a college graduate with a Ph.D.  So he’s not unintelligent.  The fact that he was able to throw together that Microwave Proton Thrower with random objects he found lying around is proof of that.  He even managed to impress Egon!  I think we can all agree that’s no small feat.  On the other hand, the fact that the Microwave Proton Thrower broke after just one use also indicates that he’s still not at the same level of genius as Ray and Egon.  But there’s nothing wrong with that.  It just further illustrates that the Ghostbusters are a team, with each member contributing what they can, and that they’re at their strongest when they’re together.  As for the episode’s big bad, Necksa, points for creativity.  Although, considering the fact that they stated that Necksa was woken up by the pollution in the East River, I was half expecting them to incorporate an environmental message into this episode.  But they clearly didn’t.  Can’t decide if that was a good thing or not. Although, you probably could make a decent argument how the solution to the problem was just to send the problem elsewhere. Which isn’t really solving anything. It’s just making it somebody else’s problem.  Because I’m sure Necksa will have some encounters with human researchers in Antarctica now. Then again, maybe the waters down there are too cold for Necksa and he’ll go into a state of torpor.  I suppose that’s possible.

(Click here for more Ghostbusters reviews)

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

I will respond to this. But in future I’m asking you and others not to send me things like this please.

“This month, Marvel Comics relaunched Amazing Spider-Man with a Nick Spencer as head writer, marking the end of Dan Slott's long run with the title and an end of the "Brand New Day" era of Spider-History.”

The problems start here. BND ended before Slott’s solo run began.

“ Spencer's run begins with a bit of a bang.

Well, about as much of a bang as you get from kissing the same person you've known for 50 years.”

This is a reductive and childish mentality towards romance and sex. It prioritizes the novelty and excitement of ‘new love’ (which is scientifically guaranteed to last like 2 years tops) over the deeper and ultimately more potent emotions attached to proper love, which in truth is kind of like friendship on steroids.

In this specific case it’s especially stupid as, putting aside fan reactions, the fact that Peter and Mj were back together after 10+ years was OBVIOUSLY going to be a shocking moment. A ‘bang’ if you will. This is like saying it wasn’t a moment of audience interest whenever Ross and Rachel seemingly got back together or when Monica and Chandler initially got together. They too had known one another for a long time, a roughly equivalent time for their character and Peter and MJ in-universe.

“This has come after Peter and Mary Jane have been apart for about a decade. This recent "surprise" get-back-to-gether is the same sort of "exciting development" that happens eventually after Marvel breaks a couple up, or kills someone in one of their books (See the Hulk, Jean Grey, Peter Parker during Superior Spider-Man, etc. etc. etc.) Peter and Mary Jane getting back together (apparently) is sort of a big deal.”

Yes. Because fans WANTED them to be back together.

Fans aren’t in this for the roller coaster of novelty. They don’t want Spidey or Superman to be with anyone OTHER than MJ or Lois. By the same token the majority do not want anyone other than Luthor or Joker to be Superman or Batman’s archenemies.

“See, in 2007 Marvel Comics made the bold decision to end the marriage between Spider-Man and his longtime wife, Mary Jane Watson.”

Watson Parker

It wasn’t bold it was asinine

How bold is it when it was the third such attempt to do that? “At the time, fans lost their shit.” And they are STILL angry about it. “You can't really blame them because the deed was done in the most asinine way. For some reason, divorce was out of the question. The alternative was somehow more awful. After Peter's Aunt May got shot in the bo-bo at the end of Civil War, Spider-Man literally made a deal with the devil to save her life.” WTF is a bo-bo? “What did this change exactly? Well, the events of Amazing Spider-Man Annual #21 didn't end in a marriage. So everything that happened after was still the same except Peter amd MJ were a common-law couple. Or something.” And MJ was never pregnant, and all the shit specifically related to their wedding rings, dress, photos, anniversary couldn’t have happened and given how to them marriage wasn’t a piece of paper then this would have massive ramifications for their relationship quite a part from the fact there would now be a massive sore spot in their relationship. “Anyway, like I said, a lot of longtime fans hated it.” No. MOST longtime fans hated it. And most SHORT time fans also hated it. And even many newer fans who jumped on-board after it hated it too. “You know, the audience they weren't trying to appeal to anymore.” Which was idiotic. You don’t try to gain a new audience by throwing away your old one. You try to retain the old audience and bring new people into the fold at the same time. Noticeably this happened in the 1990s. This failed  to happen after OMD and it failed  to happen with the Nu52 which was the OMD for the whole DC universe. The latter failed so badly they reverse rebooted many characters, Superman chief among them. Superman’s financial and critical reception increased when they brought back the OLD Superman who was married (and now a father to boot) and used him to replace the younger, single and hip Superman most people disliked. The OLD fans returned. Shockingly appealing to the old AND new fans is possible. “Still, they came up with a storyline that would be relatable to younger readers, and still be relevant to longtime readers as well”

It wasn’t a storyline it was an era

No. It absolutely wasn’t relatable or relevant to younger readers. I was 16-19 when BND was running. I was directly  the demographic they were trying to appeal to. Let me tell you straight. Those stories were not relatable. At all. They weren’t relevant. At all. The PS4 game’s take? Now that shit was reltable but noticeably that version only takes plot concept from BND. The characterization of Peter is far more in line with his pre-OMD self and didn’t represent a regression of the character

Thousands of people became Spider-Man fans reading the marriage era Spidey comics. If it was so unrelatable how is that possible?

The stories were not relevant to the older audience at all because the whole purpose of BND was to basically ignore 90% of Spider-Man history between 1987-2007. And more importantly even the characteriation before then that they were trying to invoke was done incorrectly. The Spidey of BND was a systemically mischaracterizion of Spider-Man even if yu ignored OMD “The fiscal reasoning made sense, there were Spider-Man films that were out roping in a new generation kids who wouldn't relate to a married Spider-Man.”

There was a 5 season long TV show before those movies aimed directly at children. Kids got into Spidey through that and we didn’t care he was married. In fact he was married on the show

To 90s/2000s teens and tweens the struggles of Spidey in the 1994 cartoon and Raimi movies were not all that relatable. The male members of the cartoon audience were too young to be interested in romance and all the demographics were unlikely to relate to Peter’s financial struggles as they were too young to work. Even if they weren’t too young to work they wouldn’t have been the breadwinner of the household the way they might’ve been in the 1960s. By the 1990s and 2000s times had changed

Peter had become a MAN like halfway through the first Raimi movie and that wasn’t even the most popular or successful one. Spider-man 2, where Peter was distinctly an adult and grappling with adult problems, was

Kids have been unlikely to relate to Batman. In fact as times have changed it’s evident they infinitely prefer Batman to Robin, the character actually created specifically for them to relate to. Batman is at least as popular as Spider-Man, if not moreso

The MCU has made Iron Man and Black Panther (who kids could never truly relate to) and Captain America (whom few people regardless of age could ever relate to as he is almost a moral paragon) fan favourite characters. CLEARLY relatability is at best highly subjective and at worst not essential to making a character appealing

BND occurred after Spider-Man 3 where Peter wanted to marry Mary Jane. If anything the JMS era of Spidey where he was married to the main love interest from the movies and where Aunt May knew who he was would’ve been MORE synergetic with the movies of the time than what BND was “Also, times have changed. Fans freaked out that Spider-Man was no longer married and back to living at Aunt May's home? At the time Peter Parker was in his late 20s (Marvel Time).” No, at the time he was 30 years old. “If this is basically you in 2018, you had no reason to bitch about Brand New Day.” Get fucked. Fans had EVERY reason to bitch about BND back then AND now too. Putting aside how we got there (which would be reason enough) the stories themselves were objectively deplorable! “Looking back at the storyline 10 years after the fact,” It’s not a storyline. It was an era. “it's hard to understand what the big deal was.” It’s hard to understand mischaracterization, illogic, continuity contradictions, sexism, racism, juvenile writing, character deconstruction, borderline gaslighting of the fans, talking down to the audience, price gouging, inconsistent writing and art and just generally bad storytelling? “Because I secretly hate myself, I decided to read every Spider-Man comic published.” I somehow doubt that. Even if it’s true there is a massive difference between reading a story and understanding it. Dan Slott READ a lot of Spider-Man. He knew a lot of Spider-Facts. But he clearly never understood  the character. He might KNOW MJ shut that door in ASM #122. But he absolutely doesn’t grasp it’s deeper meaning. “I started about a year ago, and I'm just hitting stories published in 2007. In retrospect, there are a lot of shitty Spider-Man stories. Some of them weren't as bad as they were made out to be (The Clone Saga, being one of them, surprisingly) One thing about the Peter/MJ marriage (which ran from 1987 to 2007) is you quickly realize their marriage was horrible.” Sure. If you are a bad literary analyst, sexist, crap at contextualization and apply a blunt criteria instead of nuance. If you don’t you get that there were ups and downs with the writing as would be expected of almost anything written across 20 years by multiple writers. “Especially for Mary Jane.” Oh cool, sexist it is then. “It wasn't good, it was a burden to telling good stories.” Kraven’s Last Hunt Sensational Spider-Man Annual 2007 Spider-Man Unlimited v3 #2 Story 2 Parallel Lives Anything by JMS involving MJ Revelations Spec #200 Spec #241-245 Sensational v2 #32 Marvel Knights: Spider-man #1-12 And many other stories I could name say otherwise genius. “This is because the writers involved at the time didn't seem to understand how a marriage works.”

JMS clearly did

DeMatteis clearly did

DeFalco clearly did

Sacasa clearly did

Peter David clearly did

Mark Millar clearly did

Even Bendis clearly did

Maybe it’s not how YOUR marriage works. But everyon’es marriage is a different “The marriage was, at best, an excuse for an instant damsel in distress situation,” Remember how the marriage was used as an instant damsel-in-distress situation in KLH? Remember how that was ALL it amounted to in the Eisner nominated Sensational Spider-Man Annual 2007? Remember how badly MJ was in need of rescuing in the Jonathan Caesar storyline? “or at worse a reason for Peter Parker to go on about how "lucky" he was to be married to a model/actress. Like Mary Jane was nothing more than a trophy to pride himself because he was such a fucking loser in high school.” Yes. Peter never argued with MJ. Peter never confided his concerns with MJ. MJ never alleviated his guilt. MJ never grew as a person from her horrible childhood issues through being married with Peter. MJ didn’t become more self-sacrificing due to Peter. Peter was never pushed to become more powerful by thoughts of his believed wife. They never helped one another through traumatic situations. “What I really want to stress here is, Peter and Mary Jane's marrage was awful.” Nah fam. YOUR analytical skills are awful. “Worst. Idea. Ever.” Nah fam. You writing this was the worst idea ever. Scratch that, me subjecting myself to this shit was the worst idea ever. “Can't take my word for it? Here are some reasons why: Mary Jane Had to Swat Away So Many Dicks” An attractive woman with a very public profile draws unwanted attention? How unrealistic! It’s terrible that such a thing would never happen in real life, real life being the baked into the core concept of Spider-Man. Why if it did it’d be a organic way to give MJ subplots and conflicts of her own to deal with that could impact  upon Peter’s life by extension or something. “Almost from the start, Mary Jane had to fend off other men who were obsessed with her and didn't give a shit that she was married. That's not necessarily Peter's fault, but it really says a lot of the opinion towards female characters in comics at the time.” …how…? This happens in real life…A LOT! And what has ‘Peter’s fault’ got to do with this? It’s not even a statement that warrants a ‘necessarily’. What? If Peter was more ‘Alpha’ other men would know not to try it on with ‘his woman’ or something? Also, let’s properly contextualize things okay. Between 1987-2007 MJ was stalked by like 5 people. That’s once every 4 years if you average it out but 3/5 of them occurred in Michelinie’s run alone which is not the be all or end all of the marriage. Another one was for a single issue and the final one was actually obsessed with Peter and used MJ to get to him. I ain’t saying it didn’t get old but this guy is making it out to be something that was an annual event. “Sure, the idea of someone stalking an actress/model isn't outlandish, and a sad fact of the celebrity-driven reality we live in.” YOU DON’T SAY! And it doesn’t just apply to actresses or models btw. “However, the number of times this was used as a plot got a bit out of hand.” I agree. But 5 times across 20 years, when there was a 5 year gap between the third and fourth instances and a 5 year gap between the fourth and final instance (lasting for 1 issue and wasn’t even the main plot) is not reflective of anything. “That said because it's a Spider-Man comic book they couldn't just settle on a dumpy guy wearing sticky jogging pants. They had to kick it up a notch. With horrific implications for poor Mary Jane.” …yeeeeeeeeeeah? And? Stalkers are horrible. You want there to be tension and conflict so the threat of violence is absolutely justifiable. FFS, kraven the Hunter buried Spider-Man alive and Venom threatened to eat parts of him. And VENOM was Spidey’s stalker! “Jonathon Caesar An obsession so cliche, I'm surprised that nobody made a joke about his knife compensating for having a small dick.” Except circa 1989 it wasn’t  cliché. At least not as far as a Spidey comic was concerned. If we are opening this up to ALL media then sure but then by that logic Gwen’s death and countless other stories would also be cliché wouldn’t they. “The first scum bag to enter Mary Jane's married life was Jonathon Caesar. He was a wealthy man with a lot of connections.” …Almost like Harvey Weinstein or something… “He helped Mary Jane get into the Bedford Towers condominium (which Caesar owned). His motivation? To kidnap a married woman and force her to live in a specially made trap room until she agreed to marry him. Spider-Man didn't even save the day! Mary Jane broke free on her own and the wall-crawler showed up in time to do the cleanup.” Holy shit. If anyone ever needed proof this doofus’s analytical skills weren’t there this is it. The Jonathan Caesar storyline was designed  to be a subversion of the damsel-in-distress  trope. The whole fucking POINT was that MJ saved herself instead of Spidey saving her! Jesus Christ how do you miss that. Not to mention how do you complain Caesar as a villain is cliché but then ALSO complain that the damsel-in-distress cliché wasn’t adhered to. “Caesar went to jail but he used his influence to ruin her modeling career and get her evicted from their home.” *coughWeinsteincough* “Not only that, but MJ's money got tied up in a lengthy legal battle, with no apparent end in sight. In fact the money mentioned here is never talked about again.” Er…yes it is. MJ ultimately settles in ASM #333 wiping out her savings. I’d have thought someone who read every  Spider-Man comic book would have known that. “Caesar eventually got out of jail and continued to stalk Mary Jane.” Again, clearly hasn’t read every Spider-Man comic book and/or is a shitty analyst. Yes Caesar did this but he did this BEFORE MJ engaged him in a legal battle. “Her husband didn't do squat to stop it.” What was he supposed to do? Caesar was out legally and Peter couldn’t just kill or assault the guy. Threatening him would likely have helped Caesar’s legal case further, especially due to the public knowing about the association between Peter and Spidey. Touching Caesar would be like trying to get the Kingpin locked up. It’s extremely difficult for someone that rich and powerful. “He was too busy playing Spider-Man to help his own wife.” No. He was busy saving the lives of innocent people. He wasn’t doing this for fun, he is Spidey for the greater good. MJ knows that. MJ knew that she could ask Peter for help if she needed it and he’d come running. She made it clear she could handle it and like a good husband he respected her decision. It wasn’t like she was trying to reach him for help and he was distracted or actively ignored her. But you know, those disingenuous pieces of misinformation aren’t going to write themselves. Also the stories are a little ambiguous about this but there is a possible implication that MJ was keeping Peter somewhat in the dark about Caesar’s activities. “The only person who was interested in Mary Jane's safety was Officer Hal Goldman, who ended up shooting Caesar dead. Was Hal a super-cop detective that ate serial stalkers for lunch? Note really, see the thing about Hal.... Hal Goldman Let's  follow up this sexist scene with the woman regretting her career choices. Very progressive.”

This bozo shouldn’t be lecturing people on what is and isn’t sexist

FFS OF COURSE someone in MJ’s position would be questioning her career choices. She’s just been stalked by 2 lunatics. But noticeably she doesn’t stop  being an actress/model after this. The moment was a dash of comedy given the situation and nothing more. But you wouldn’t know that given how this guy is not bothering to use context or anything

How the Hell is MJ macing a stalker and then knocking him out sexist? “Hal Goldman wasn't actually a police officer. He was just a fat NYPD civilian desk clerk with a terrible bowl cut who had an unhealthy obsession with Mary Jane when she starred in a soap opera called "Secret Hospital". Although he was "investigating" Jonathan Ceasar's attempts to ruin Mary Jane's life again, he was also obsessed with protecting her from everyone who slighted her. He ran over an old woman who slapped MJ in the face, dropped a stage light on her director's head and tried to clobber Peter with a piece of concrete. However, this is an accurate depiction of how fan-boys react to things.” Remember how over 50% of fanboys threatened or actually inflicted violence upon people because of OMD? Neither do I. “When he guns down Caesar he professes his undying love to Mary Jane and admits to committing all the above crimes. Again, Peter is nowhere around,” Of course he’s nowhere around. Peter doesn’t constantly monitor MJ all day every day. You know…like a stalker. Fuck real life husbands don’t do this. Moreover if we bother to check the issue in question (ASM #339) some interesting details are presented to us. For starters MJ was only endangered due to trickery and bad luck. Caesar forced a co-star of MJ’s to handwrite a note and sign it asking for her to meet him at the set of Secret Hospital. Between the set being a relatively safe environment and the note checking out as legitimate due to the handwriting and signature, MJ had no reason to be suspicious. Peter absolutely intended to go with MJ but earlier that day had been doused with a chemical by the Sinister Six, the effects of which he was uncertain about. He got a call regarding the Six’s activities and the chemical so logically that would take priority over Mj merely meeting a co-star. MJ chose not to delay the meeting until Peter was available and go herself. Again neither she nor Peter had any reason to suspect foul play. So Peter’s absence was never due to neglect. It wasn’t even due to putting the duties of Spider-man before the needs of his wife. As far as either of them knew there was no danger. So again, distorting the facts. Classy. “so when she rejects him Officer Bowl Cut decides to do the old "if I can't have you, nobody will!" Routine. However, she sprayed him in the eyes with hairspray and clobbered him with a purse. You know just as you'd expect a strong female character to do.” Yes. That is exactly what I expect a female, or indeed any character, to do in that situation. Mary Jane had no real weapons. The story even specified that MJ tried  to get a handgun but was still waiting on it. So she improvised and used whatever resources she had to hand. This is routine for Mary Jane both during and before the marriage. Using hairspray and a handbag, which are not obvious weapons but can nevertheless be repurposed for offence, was a perfectly legitimate technique for both the character and writer to employ. It’s almost like it makes her look smart, tough and resourceful for being able to think on her feet like that or something. Oh, and again. MJ is bad because she conforms to a cliché but is also bad because didn’t conform to the cliché of Spidey rescuing her which would’ve also been bad because the marriage is used to easily generate damsel-in-distress situations. This isn’t even a double standard it’s a TRIPLE standard. This jackoff has constructed his argument in such a way that Mary Jane/the marriage can NEVER win. “Jason Jerome This happened in 1990, consent hadn't been invented yet.”

Jason wasn’t a stalker strictly speaking

This storyline, bad as it was, was nevertheless handled very differently from the Jonathan Caesar arc because MJ at least was tempted to reciprocate feelings for Jason whilst she was repulsed by Caesar

YES. the concept of consent WASN’T very well taught back in the 1990s! What the hell is he point here? “Jason Jerome was an actor who thought he could seduce Mary Jane into having an affair with him. This came at a time when there were three monthly Spider-Man titles. This made for one busy wall-crawler. On top of fighting villains, he was also promoting a book and traveling the globe as a reporter. Needless to say, MJ was feeling more than a little neglected. This made Mary Jane susceptible to Jerome's advances. However, despite his best efforts, Mary Jane ended things before they had gone too far. To do so, she invited Jason to her apartment under the pretence of sex. Instead of getting balls deep, Jason Jerome found himself in a room plastered with photos of Peter and Mary Jane together, like inviting an obsessed man into your home without telling anyone is a smart idea.” Jason was not obsessed. He viewed MJ as a ‘conquest’ and from her POV was not dangerous like Caesar or Hal. Also IIRC this occurred after  the incident with Hal, which meant MJ would likely have owned a handgun by this point. Even if she didn’t, she defeated Hal and Caesar and his guards when she was unprepared and improvising on the fly. Here she has had hours to prep and it’s literally in her home. If she suspected Jason to be dangerous (which he was not and had given her no reason to believe so) she was in a great position to handle him. “All the lamps and hairspray in the world cannot possibly stop this potentially becoming a bad situation.” A rich and powerful lunatic with a knife and armed guards outside got their ass beaten by MJ whilst she was improvising…on their home turf. A less rich, less powerful, unarmed man with no displays of mental instability or violence comes to MJ’s home turf on his own. So yes, if she was so inclined MJ could 100% rig up a trap with hairspray and a lamp or a fucking gun if she had one. “If this backfires, let's just hope he's into this sort of thing.” A necrophilia joke? How tasteful. “The Stalker "I said, I'm bored with sort of scenario. Can you try and change this up a bit?"”

Jason Jerome wasn’t stalking MJ

Yes the stalker was lame. Also this occurred around 9-10 years later

You know there is more to this relationship than the occasions when MJ was stalked FFS “The most unoriginal character created by Howard Mackie during his run.” His run when he was possibly dealing with serious health issues. Classy. “The Stalker follows a long tradition of Marvel characters whose names are obvious: The Prowler prowls,” Except he doesn’t do much prowling. He flits between retirement and active costumed work. And he’s not exactly a stalker of the night like Batman when he’s out of retirement. “the Watcher watches, and the Shocker finger blasts people.” Does this guy know what ‘shocking’ means? Blasting people isn’t shocking them. Electrocuting people = shocking people. Vibrating them doesn’t = shocking them. “So obviously, the Stalker was a stalker. Specifically, he stalked Mary Jane. The guy went to some insane lengths. He set off bombs and killed people. The whole time this was happening Peter was busy going out as Spider-Man.” YES. THAT’S HIS FUCKING JOB! Also, for the majority of the time Mj was being stalked she had kept Peter in the dark about the guy. Shortly after he finally did learn the truth he seemingly died. For sure he was kept away from her whilst she was being made a target, but

The 1970s Clone Saga

Spec Annual 1988

Smoke and Mirrors

Web #125

Maximum Clonage

Clone Conspiracy

“Each time he seems to forget the fact that a lunatic had cloned his dead girlfriend every time.”

Horseshit.

He KNEW the truth in every encounter following the first one. He didn’t fall for it on the third-sixth occasions but shockingly  seeing your dead loved one (who died right in front of you) walking around alive is going to emotionally hurt you and dreadge up old wounds and old feelings.

Gerry Conway in Spec Annual 1988 directly addresses this by having Peter acknowledge that intellectually  he knows Gwen to merely be a clone but emotionally  he still feels towards her the same way as though she were the real Gwen.

It’s almost like Conway was a good writer not a HACK like the OP and so knows that in matters of the heart a realistic human being might let their sense of logic fly out the window.

If ONLY there had been a global sensation of a movie released months prior to ASM v5 #1 which demonstrated this aptly.

“Every time it made Peter confused and dug up old feelings. Which, naturally, made Mary Jane doubt the strength of their relationship.”

That literally happened twice. And she briefly  doubted before thinking otherwise or been shown otherwise.

“With this many clones of the dead girlfriend, you'd figure he would have gotten used to it.”

Yes if he was an emotionless automaton. Or written by someone who knows jack about human emotions...like the OP…

“Instead of going to a shrink to process these feelings,”

Thus risking the anonymity that protects himself and his loved ones.

“Peter usually fell for the various manipulations that typically came from these convoluted cloning schemes and hit whoever was responsible.”

OBVIOUSLY he hit whoever was responsible. They were super villains, he was going to bring them to justice no matter what

Again, he fell for it the first time. But ONLY the first time. He was aware Gwen was a clone in every other encounter and never played along. Many of those instances weren’t even villains pulling a scheme but a situation Peter happened to mix himself up in. Spec Annual #8 had nothing to do with him as the High Evolutionary wanted to apprehend Gwen for his own purposes. Web #125 involved him discovering Gwen’s clone in the suburbs but no villain had planned on him doing that

“That Time Illegitimate Kids Showed Up

Gwen Stacy was always portrayed as a saintly woman cut down in the prime of her life.”

Except for all those times she absolutely wasn’t prior to her death; that’s not even counting AUs.

Saint Gwendolyn I, Holy Virgin Martyr Princess was a revisionist invention fabricated after her death to make her death more tragic in hindsight. It’s a pack of lies that doesn’t deserve to be paid attention to.

“That was until JMS wrote a Gwen Stacy story that was entirely fucked up.”

No. It was only partially fucked up because

Gwen was obviously not pregnant

MJ and Gwen didn’t care about Gwen’s kids

“In it, Peter learns that Gwen had an affair with Norman Osborn (the Green Goblin, AKA the guy who later murdered her) and got knocked up.”

They didn’t have an affair.

People seem to be misinformed on the definition of what the word ‘affair’ means. They use it as though it means ‘being unfaithful to your partner’. That is not the meaning of the term. An EXTRAMARITAL affair can mean that but a regular romantic/sexual affair doesn’t inherently mean there is any unfaithfulness occurring.

But it DOES have to be ongoing to some extent.

Gwen and Norman weren’t in any kind of on-going relationship. They had sex exactly once.

And during that time no unfaithfulness was occurring as Gwen was not with Peter at the time.

“Everyone apparently knew and kept it a secret.”

…er….no…I don’t know how you could even misread Sins Past to come to that conclusion.

The story is extremely explicit that Gwen and Norman kept their encounter and Gwen’s pregnancy a secret. MJ knew about it and told Peter years later. But there is nothing in the story even hinting that anyone else knew besides the three of them.

“During a point where Gwen and Peter were on the outs, she found out she was pregnant, left the country, and gave birth to the kids. These kids were then secreted away by Norman for years.

When Peter found about these kids (but not their origins) he assumed they were his kids, even though he later remembers that he and Gwen never had sex!!”

He never presumes they are his children. Again, great analytical skills there.

“What's worse, is after all was said and done, Peter later went to France to help out Gwen's daughter, who was her spitting image and the same biological age that Gwen was when Peter dated her (they aged fast, look it up) This was all an attempt to seduce Peter and he had to constantly remind himself that his feelings for her were wrong.”

It was absolutely not an attempt to seduce Peter. Sarah’s agenda only later evolved to entail that too but that wasn’t her original motive

In one of the all time best episodes of the Simpsons Homer was tempted by his co-worker Mindy. This occurred in spite of countless episodes demonstrating how much he loved Marge. Ultimately nothing more than a kiss was shared between them and he didn’t succumb to his temptations. In this scenario Peter is being confronted by someone who looks and to an extent acts identically to someone he loved and cruelly lost, someone who for a time he believed he might have a future with. This occurs not very long after he learns that his relationship with that person was at least partially a big lie as she was pregnant for most of their relationship and slept with his ultimate enemy. So he’s going to be incredibly emotionally vulnerable at this point. Sarah kissed him and he didn’t reciprocate at all. Peter if anything can be more forgiven his temptations than Homer was. And Homer was still forgivable as your actions  are what ultimately matter. Peter not only acknowledged  his feelings were wrong and coming from an emotionally confusing place but he never acted upon them either and reaffirmed his love for MJ when all was said and done. Much like Homer did to Marge after rejecting Mindy.

“Mary Jane had such a bad feeling about it, she travelled to France to check in on her hubby, and walked in on him while Gwen Jr. Was kissing Peter.”

Yeah. Because OOC writing exists dipshit. You don’t just take ANY given story as gospel FFS. What kind of pre-schooler level literary analysis is this?

“The fact that Peter was attracted to a 7 year old girl who only looked like she was in her early 20s because of a genetic disorder is super creepy.”

It is because see above about OOC writing. But by this logic the clones of Gwen were even younger. Sarah was mentally 7 but she looked just like an adult Gwen Stacy so obviously  Peter’s emotions and attractions being confused is forgivable under the circumstances.

“So you can totally understand when Mary Jane was upset about that one.”

I’m genuinely shocked this clown was able to be so sympathetic towards MJ here.

“Somewhere, a divorce lawyer just got a huge erection.”

I’m sure he would have if only the story hadn’t ended by reaffirming Peter and MJ’s love for one another.

“It Wasn't Just the Dead Girlfriend, but her Extended Family

Before we get into more of the Stacy family, let's talk about the Watson family for a minute. Mary Jane came from a broken home. An alcoholic and abusive father led to her mother taking the kids and leaving. Although he mom died her sister had two kids and was abandoned by the father. Also, she has a cousin who has an eating disorder. In a lot of these cases, Peter Parker left his wife to deal with the family drama on her own.”

No.

Peter actively helped MJ when she asked him to in ASM #291-292.

He actively helped MJ’s friend who had a drug problem when MJ asked him to.

In the recent one shot Going Big Peter seeks out Kristy when she disappears…because MJ asked him to.

Peter respected MJ and her family and would’ve helped in any way he was able if MJ aske him to.

But between supporting their family, Aunt May and protecting the city because he’s a fucking super hero  his time and abilities to help were limited. Oh and MJ didn’t ask him to.

She felt, not unjustifiably, that she  could handle it. Often MJ wishes to leave Peter as unburdened as possible if she  can handle a situation because his life is dangerous and stressful enough as is. But she knows he’s there to help if she needs it. And he would be there if she needed him.

It’ almost like they were MARRIED or something and divided up their duties appropriately or something.

This clown seems to treat ‘being Spider-Man’ as code for ‘have fun goofing off lulz’. It’s not. It’s a massive duty and higher purpose Peter takes incredibly seriously.

“Which is quite the slap in the face when he spent more time helping the Stacy family. Namely Gwen's cousins Paul and Jill and their dad.”

Because they were his friends, MJ’s friends and at times MJ asked  him to help them. Peter didn’t even like spending time with them initially because they opened up old wounds for him. He had to put the work in to hang around them.

“When they appeared in Spider-Man stories in the late 90s, Mary Jane took a back seat to whatever problems the Stacy's were having.”

No she didn’t.

SOMETIMES the problems regarding the Stacy’s happened to be the A plot. Other times they happened to be the B plot. This happened more often than not in peter Parker: Spider-Man by Mackie. But there were FOUR Spider-titles at the time so that’s more than acceptable.

But Peter never helped the Stacy’s at the expense  of Mary Jane, not unless there was a clear physical danger posed to their lives.

In Mackie/Byrne’s run MJ and Jill were endangered by the same incident and Peter prioritized saving MJ over Jill.

“You're still dealing with your miscarriage Mary Jane? Sorry, I got to talk Paul Stacy out of a hate group right now.”

Get fucked.

I’ve read PPSM #82-83 as well. In fact they were among my earliest ever comic books I re-read them several years ago.

This is yet another MASSIVE distortion of events.

Peter didn’t talk Paul out of a hate group (specifically the anti-mutant hate group the Friends of Humanity) at the expense of helping MJ deal with their miscarriage.

Peter and MJ were due to meet for a counselling session to talk about the miscarriage. However, Paul was being targeted  by a mutant who literally told Peter she was going to murder him. Peter went to prevent that from happening but a bad bout of vertigo (brought on presumably by an encounter with Morbius the Living Vampire) caused Peter to cling to a wall, his life hanging in the balance.

That’s  why he missed the therapy session that one  time.

He wasn’t goofing off. He wasn’t lecturing Paul about why racism is bad m’kay. He was trying to save his life and then save his own life.

So a quintessential example of distorting the facts and removing things from context.

“Peter Shut Her Out of Every Existential Crisis”

No he didn’t. There were multiple times he questioned if he was doing the right thing, if he was making a difference, etc and talked to her about it

Even if he did shut her out that would be conflict  which is what you fucking want in your dramatic  story

WOW! Moments of intense mental/emotional strife involve people not acting in a healthy manner, including in regards to their romantic relationships?????? Who’d have THOUGHT!

“Not only were Mary Jane's problems put on a back burner, whenever Peter had a problem, he shut MJ out.”

MJ herself understood some of her problems had to be put on a back burner for the greater good  that Spider-Man performed for the world at large.

And the times he shut her out amounted to…I don’t even know…maybe once  just prior to the Clone Saga when he was grappling with intense grief and pain and was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Then just went ahead and had  the mental breakdown.

“During their marriage, Peter had huge life-changing moments. The first was when his parents came back from the dead only to be revealed as impostors then his Aunt May suffered a life-threatening stroke.”

Yes. These were definitely the first life-changing moments that occurred after he married Mary Jane.

Being buried alive, encountering Venom, going back to school, his best friend turning to villainy and becoming a reserve Avenger certainly wouldn’t have been life changing at all.

“Spider-Man's answer? Give up on being Peter Parker and embracing the spider.”

I’ll take ‘What if grief and emotional trauma’ for 500 Alex!!!!!!!

Honest to Christ. The story makes everything clear as crystal. This is an entirely believable response to trauma, it’s just literalized because the person experiencing it lives a double life already and has super powers.

“The writers were probably going for dark and moody, but looking back at it, it was a lot of whining.”

He lived his whole life in the wake of losing his parents, then had those wounds reopened when he learned they were not dead, then gradually grew to love and trust them, was stabbed in the back by them, found out they were imposters and his parents had been dead after all, then saw them violently die right in front of him, then learned this was perpetuated by his best friend, then the woman who raised him had a stroke and fell into a coma.

That’s not WHINING, that’s an insane amount of grief and pain you fucking idiot.

No human being could cope with that amount of trauma and NOT express their pain in some form. This isn’t him complaining he missed a date or can’t get his studies done. This is his heart being ripped out and stomped on in front of him repeatedly!

“Also, he totally abandoned his wife. Which is a dick move. Hey Pete, she might be someone to support you through your recent loss.”

HE WAS HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN YOU DUMBASS!

NO ONE thinks clearly or logically when they are in that kind of emotional/mental distress. He was grieving the loss of THREE parents for fuck’s sake!

“Somewhere, a grief councilor just got a huge erection.”

This shithead clearly doesn’t know the meaning of the word grief.

“Then came the Clone Saga where Peter was convinced he was actually a clone of the real Spider-Man. He was too wrapped up on the fact that his past was potentially a lie that he couldn't see the good things in his life. He was married. Had a child on the way. None of this registered with him because of all the clones around putting his past into question.”

Peter Parker’s belief system was that a clone is NOT a real human being, it is a creature that is less  than human and that in being a clone you have no real identity or right to life, you are just a freak. MJ echoes these sentiments in ASM #400.

Ben Reilly, who had all of Peter’s memories became distraught upon learning he was a clone. That occurred circa 1975 when Peter was approximately 22 years old and hadn’t finished college yet. Ben literally grieved for himself and that the memories in his head were a pretense, a life that was not his. He contemplated killing Peter and taking his life. He became borderline suicidal and anti-social. This went on for years during which he pushed himself to the very edge self-destructively.

Putting aside how the original intent was for Ben to be the REAL Peter Parker, Ben’s behaviours display what a dark and dangerous place Peter could’ve gone to had he been in Ben’s position.

The intent of the Jackal and Norman Osborn in orchestrating the Clone Saga was to shatter Peter’s sense of identity. The Jackal wanted to do that in 1975 with a 22 year old Peter. Norman however knew the blow would hurt Peter much more when he had more to lose and so delayed it until 1995 when Peter would’ve been about 27 years old, had more of a career, longer and deeper connections to his loved ones, a wife and a baby on the way.

When he finally pulled the trigger Peter had also only recently recovered from a terrible mental breakdown, lost Aunt May, been falsely accused of murder, had his sense of identity further damaged by yet more clones of himself appearing and learned that he and MJ’s baby might have serious health problems if he was a clone.

In fact MJ’s first reaction upon learning Peter was a clone was to grip her tummy and express concern for her baby. And remember she directly told him a clone isn’t a real person.

When put in context  this caused Peter to have a SECOND mental breakdown. Entirely UNDERSTANDABLY!

This wasn’t a case of appreciating all he had because from his point of view being a clone meant he’d LOST all that. That he COULDN’T have that because he was less than human and not the real person that life belonged to.

If BEN reacted that way when he believed he was a clone then logically OF COURSE Peter was going to take it much, much, much worse.

“It should also be pointed out that during this period, Mary Jane's life was at risk and she was being stalked, again. This time by a clone. However, Peter was once again nowhere to be seen.”

Oh my fucking…HE HAD BEEN ARRESTED!

He wasn’t around because he was literally incarcerated in prison. Breaking out risked exposing his identity and thus endangering MJ and the baby. He also didn’t KNOW she was being stalked. When he found out in ASM #401 he broke out of jail and sought to find her. Later when Ben offered to take his place in jail Peter went on the hunt for MJ’s stalker, his clone Kaine whom he ALSO suspected as the guy who framed him.

Gee, proactively seeking out the guy threatening your wife and who might’ve framed you?

What a shitty husband, it’s not like that’s an entirely practical consideration to take or anything.

“In Heindsight...”

Oh this outta be good

“I could go over every other moment where Peter treated his wife like crap,”

Except he rarely did and the examples you’ve brought up do not hold up to scrutiny in the slightest because you are a clown show of an analyst.

“but those are the huge ones.”

No they aren’t, see above.

“Looking back at the upset of 2007, it's clear that anyone who got mad didn't actually read any of the stories written while Peter and Mary Jane were married.”

That’s so very rich coming from this dipshit, see above.

“Even then, over the past decade there has been a plethora of great Spider-Man stories.”

That’s true.

Agent Venom by Rick Remender

Carnage Family Feud

Carnage USA

Half of Scarlet Spider by Chris Yost

Bits of Ben Reilly: Scarlet Spider by Peter David

AXIS Hobgoblin

AXIS Carnage

Carnage by Gerry Conway

Silk by Robbie Thompson

Superior Foes of Spider-Man

ASM: Renew Your Vows

The issue where Flash Thompson lost his legs

The story regarding the Rhino and his girlfriend

Spider-Man 2099 by Peter David

Notice how none of that stuff focuses upon 616 Peter Parker.

Because between 2008-2018 there were no good stories focussing upon 616 Peter Parker.

At best there were mediocre stories focussing upon the pathetic man-child that was Spider-Man in name only.

“In fact, I'd even argue that Dan Slott's run on Spider-Man has contained some of the best Spider-Man stories of the past two decades.”

And you’d just further confirm yourself to be a moron who doesn’t have the first warm shit of a clue about how to analyse stories if you did.

“I can't think or a stellar Spider-Man run past 198 until Slott's run.”

ASM by JMS+Romita Junior

Sensational by Sacasa

Spec by DeMatteis+Buscema

Spec by DeMatteis+Ross

Marvel Knights by Mark Millar

Bits of Peter Parker: Spider-Man by Paul Jenkins

Hypothetically though let’s say they weren’t stellar.

They would still be OBJECTIVELY better than Dan Slott. Like who’s mothers did Michelinie, DeFalco or any of the above guys murder for you to claim Slott was better than them.

None of those guys:

Had Peter become a paparazzi photographer

Had Aunt May claim she was disappointed in Peter for not supporting her the night Uncle Ben died

Had Doc Ock try to rape Mary Jane

Created a clear cut Mary Sue to upstage Spidey in his own book

Turned Spider-Man into Diet Iron Man

Killed off a Ditko-era character for no other reason beyond a shock death. Except Mark Millar but the character was extremely minor

“Next to JMS' run, Slott has been the best Spider-Man writer in decades.”

Again, notice how he CONVENIENTLY neglected to bring up stuff from the JMS run when MJ and the marriage was written the best.

His criteria for judging MJ literally JUST included:

ASM by Michelinie run from 1989-1994

ASM by DeMatteis in 1994

Conway’s Spec/Web runs from 1988-1989

Spec #226 by DeFalco in 1995

Mackie’s PPSM run from 1997

The Mackie/Byrne run from 1999-2001

That was it.

He stated the marriage lasted between 1987-2007 but his analysis halted at 2001. He’s leaving out 6 goddam years worth of material in addition to ALL the other material he conveniently ignored before then.

“Where to Go From Here?

That raises some interesting questions. Will Peter and Mary Jane tie the knot again? It seems like Marvel is marrying characters off again (Colossus and Kitty Pryde as well as Gambit and Rogue) so that's promising.

Another is the promising thing is that the alternate reality series Renew Your Vows has been doing very well.

The last point is the main reason why they nixed the marriage to begin with: Needing a Spider-Man younger readers can relate with.”

The main reason they nixed it was because Quesada was butthurt Gwen died in 1973 and that MJ got to marry him instead.

“For the past number of years they have been promoting the hell out of Miles Morales, the "Ultimate" Spider-Man. They have been grooming him to be the young Spidey that they want for younger fans.”

Maybe don’t use the term ‘grooming’ in the context of a teenage character there buddy.

“While that doesn't mean Peter and MJ are destined to get married again, hopefully they will allow Peter to at least grow up a little.”

I see.

Marriage = bad because it makes him unrelatable to the kids. But also this dipshit wants Peter to ‘grow up a little’…which is what he had done by marrying MJ in the first place.

“However, let me say this: Doing what's expected doesn't necessarily make for a good story, it's the unexpected.”

Why don’t you ask Star Wars and Game of Thrones fans what they think about that buddy?

“That's what made Slott's run on Spider-Man so great.”

That’s true. Nobody expected Slott would have Doc Ock masturbate in Peter’s body. Nobody expected him to drag out our suffering for as long as he did. Nobody expected he’d invoke such a juvenile idea as Norman Osborn becoming carnage.

“Let's hope Nick Spencer continues that tradition.’

Fuck the unexpected. Just give me competency.

[1000roughdrafts]

Family Secrets: Chapter Sixteen

Hurricane Vampurica 

Summary: When the walls come crashing down, quite literally, it’s up to the four of you to figure out what’s going on… and how to stop it

Warnings: none that I can think of, please tell me if i’m wrong  

W/C: 2085

A/N: I wasn’t exactly excited about this chapter until I finished it. It’s kind of ambiguous and a little skeletonish but I like it and hope you do to ! Sorrrrry again about the wait! 

Masterlist 

Dean lifts you just enough for you to grab onto the ledge of the windowsill and, with his help, you wiggle the rest of your way in. After a quick glance around the room, you poke your head back out of the window. 

“It’s clear,” you whisper. Holding your hands out of the window, you wait for him to grab onto them before leaning back to give him the leverage he needs to prop himself onto the windowsill. 

His boots clank against the floor when he drops into the room, followed by a soft grunt, and he meets you by the bookshelf at the wall opposite the door as you glance through the books. A desk sits parallel to the shelf, with scattered papers and envelopes sealed with the classic wax melt. 

Creeping out of the room and through the house, you take note of the items in each of the rooms. Books upon books with authors and titles you don’t recognize, but nothing in the house screams ‘other world’ to you. By the fourth or fifth room you are about to exit, Dean puts a hand over your mouth, pulling you back and into him. 

Pushing his hand away, you flip around to glare at him, “Dean, what the hell?” 

With a finger to his lips, he shushes you. He points at his temple, and then at yours with raised eyebrows. When he assumes you understand, he walks around you and peers out of the door. 

Signalling for you to come to his side, he speaks in his mind, Is that them? The... children? 

Yeah, I think so, you respond, squinting your eyes at Mr. Grant standing in what looks to be a sitting room that’s void of the furnishings save for the five chairs that the five are strapped to. A couple are tied to each other back to back, all with their hands tied behind them and some type of rope covering their mouths. 

The dark haired woman you’d seen in the conference room with Dan and that old man is sitting with her back to Luna, both still, motionless. Luna is the one that faces you, her head dipped down and eyes clenched shut. There’s a glimmer under her eyes and on her cheeks. You glance over at the girl with pink hair, noticing that she looks as though she’d been crying as well. 

What is he doing to them? You think, and though it wasn’t necessarily directed toward Dean, he shrugs. The one tied to Luna, you think, carefully pointing, I think that’s Ana, and the one next to them with the pink hair, that’s Tullie. 

There’s two men you don’t recognize at all. The one with red hair has fire in his eyes, and unlike the others, hasn’t been crying at all. He looks pissed off, especially with his striking resemblance to Dean with the chiseled jaw forming a Devil may care expression that restfully sits on his face. His broad shoulders move subtlety and methodically, as his narrowed eyes stay planted on Mr. Grant. 

He must be trying to escape, you think, you see the way he’s moving? Dean nods. 

The other man has soft brown hair, with soft brown and bruised eyes that stay focused on the floor like it’s not really there at all. He exudes an energy that suggests he couldn’t care any less what happens to him, let alone that he’s tied to a chair with five unfamiliar people. 

Mr. Grant paces back and forth in front of them, a smug smile dressed on his lips. 

“I know you all must be wondering why we’re not evacuating with the hit of this storm,” he chuckles, waving a hand dismissively, “Vampurica,” he laughs again, “and I assure you the reason for that is, well, for one, this storm won’t hurt you at all. In fact, the five of you being together is what caused it,”he takes a few more steps before stopping in front of Luna, “and secondly, we have lots of work to do.” 

He places the back of his hand against Luna’s cheek, causing you to tense up. She tries to turn her head away as tears fall down her cheek, but the rope resists her movements. A fury boils inside of you that Dean must sense, as he grips onto your shoulders and pulls you close to him, perhaps to keep you from spoiling your hiding spot. 

When Mr. Grant pulls his hand away, you let out the breath you were holding, calming for a moment as the realization that her movement means, at the very least, she’s awake. 

Mr. Grant stands in front of the five, no longer pacing, but carries on, “I want you all to, not just know how powerful you are, but to understand it, experience it. You were created for such great things, you lot, and I’ve been looking forward to this moment for a very, very long time.”

We have to do something, Dean, we have to intervene, you think, looking up at him. He only shakes his head, eyebrows furrowed and eyes staying on Mr. Grant. Come on, Dean, you mentally whine. 

Looking down at you, his expression softens but just barely. There’s nothing we can do, Y/N. Not without our bodies, he shakes his head with an eye roll, realizing how ridiculous such a statement sounds, but alas, that is your reality. 

Mr. Grant takes a few steps toward the counter that connects the room to a kitchen, pulling a cup into his hands and taking a sip. You take a smell step forward to get a better view of the room, but stumble over Dean’s foot and face plant against the hardwood floor before he even has a chance to catch you. 

“Shit,” you mutter under your breath while Dean picks you up by your arms. 

“Did you hear something?” Mr. Grant asks, mostly to himself. The five shake their heads, but their eyes begin to frantically scan the room. “Stay right there,” he instructs, and you’re unsure if it’s to the five or to you, but you waste no time in trying to get away. 

Dean pushes you towards the window, rushing you for a quick escape. He puts both of his palms against the pane, pushing up to no avail. 

“Sealed,” Dean says in a frustrated breath. You run back to the door, peering out of it before barreling down the hallway. 

“I know you’re here! I know you’re listening, you cowards! Show yourselves!” Mr. Grant screams. 

With his back to you now, you and Dean sprint down the hall in an attempt to reach the window you came in through. As you’re almost to the door, you feel a firm and thick hand grip around the back of your neck. 

Both men are yelling toward and at you, but all the words form alphabet soup in the chaos. The grip around your neck tightens as he pulls you closer to him, and when he screams, spit flies onto your face, “How are you doing this?” His grip grows stronger around your neck as he screams through clenched teeth, “tell me!” 

“What are you talking about?” you cry out, but the words are mumbled on the way out. You hear Dean calling for you in the background, in pathetic and desperate cries, leaving you wondering what’s keeping him from coming to your rescue, but with your vision getting blurry, you begin to feel disoriented and your eyes fall shut. 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about!” Mr. Grant shouts, “what is your obsession with my children?”  

“Your children?” you shout, but choke on the next words before you can form a sentence. The firm grip around your neck transforms into the feeling of being submerged underwater. 

Your calls for Dean come out as gurgles, swallowing water with each desperate inhale for breath. With your arms flailing about, you start to panic, your heartbeat racing even faster than it was prior. 

When you open your eyes, only darkness fills your vision. Surely this is the end for you, you think until you feel the slender fingers of Allanah’s hand gripped around your biceps, pulling you from the rushing water.

Allanah stands on the stairs in front of the hospital doors, water reaching up to just above her knees. She pulls you up and out of the water towards her, cradling you in her arms as you take in a deep breath of the salty air. Almost if time were slowed down before, it speeds up as you cough up the water that managed to make it down your airway. 

Catching your breath, your tunnel vision narrows, taking in the infrastructure and furniture that floats around you in the midst of the storm, and widens enough for you to see some being blocked by the railing of the staircase, and others floating underneath. 

Your heartbeat pounds in your ears, echoing against your eardrums. Sirens, rushing waters and the frantic shouts from Sam sound miles off in the distance, leaving you disoriented and confused. 

You try to remember the last thing that happened before the water tried to claim you completely, “Dean,” you airily whisper, and even your own voice sounds unfamiliar and disembodied. Allanah’s eyes move to her right, almost in guidance to where Sam has his hands gripped around Dean’s back and shoulders while Dean coughs up water. 

Sam’s chest rises and falls with his heavy breaths and his wide eyes look the both of you over. “It worked,” he says in near disbelief. 

“All right then,” Allanah says, gripping onto your arms once again, looking up at Sam, “let’s get them up and out of the water, yeah?” 

 - 

Sitting on the landing between two flights of stairs, you watch and listen as the water rushes down the steps. Aside from the water rushing through the halls, and chaos that ensues outside the walls of the hospital, silence falls around the four of you while the explanation of what the hell just happened settles in. 

Sam explained that you were out no more than five minutes, but when your heart rate started slowing they needed to act, and fast. He said that as soon as he noticed your twitching and muttering they rushed you and Dean out of the hospital to dunk you under the water. 

Silence falls on the four of you again with the new developments. When it feels like it can’t get any weirder, it does. 

Sam clasps his hands together, “what do we do now?” he asks, his voice meek and growing desperate. 

Standing, you let out a breath, “we need to get back there, to that house. That’s where they are,” you sigh, the tail end of your sentence coming out in a near tears squeak. Feeling uneasy with the words, you try to figure out why... why you get the feeling that something is missing, that there’s something you know, but can’t remember.

You recall past experiences, past visions and weird dreams, and as if it were in front of you again, you hear the old man from the conference room, “you never know who is listening,” you whisper, unintentionally saying the words aloud. 

Sam and Dean, followed by Allanah, bring themselves to their feet, their faces twisted in confusion. 

“What?” Dean asks, nearing impatience. 

“Remember when we were here, this hospital, but - but not really here,” you stutter, “when we realized it was actually each other in the dreams and visions we were having?” The words keep coming out quick and nearly breathless no matter how hard you focus on the thick of it, but Dean follows along, nodding in confirmation. “The man, after Tullie made that comment about ‘the town that never stops smiling’ being as corrupt as the others, he got angry, remember? He gripped onto her arm and told her ‘you never know who is listening’,” you spit out. Your hands are moving as quick as your words are, leaving Sam and Allanah in the dark, confused and left out. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, but, uh, what are you getting at?” 

“He knows something, something that can help us,” you say adamantly, eyes wide and only focused on Dean. “We need to find him,” you spill out before turning to Allanah, “do you know where we can find the, um, Chief? Nathan something... I think.” 

After a moment of catching up, Allanah swallows, “no, but I do know someone who might.” 

--

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[ahumansvoid]

Misc WIP Folder

So I’m going through my WIPs folder’s subfolders. 

One is labelled Misc, so that’s the one I’m going through now. Everything will be below the cut because this will probably be a long post, there are sixteen files in this folder. 

Most of them are from different fandoms, so I’ll put what fandom it’s in + what title I have for it in my folder in bold before I talk about it. I’ll be going from oldest to newest. Technically not because I can’t sort Google docs like that, but rather “last modified by me” so, longest abandoned to newly abandoned I guess?

 Also Spoilers for any of the fandoms, maybe? Probably. 

If you have any questions about any of the fandoms, message me or send me an ask. I’m open to talking about any and all of them. 

Fandoms Involved (Ordered by appearance):

Murdered: Soul Suspect (Video Game)

Trollhunters: Tales of Arcadia (TV Show)

Gravity Falls (TV Show)

Until Dawn (Video Game)

Avatar: The Last Airbender (TV Show)

The Mummy (2017) & (1999) (Movies)

Assassination Classroom (TV Show/Anime)

Red vs. Blue (Online Show- Rooster Teeth)

Camp Camp (Online Show - Rooster Teeth)

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency (TV Show)

Devil May Cry (Video Game + Anime)

Aladdin (2019) (Movie)

Castlevania (TV Show)

Murdered: Soul Suspect - MSS

So there isn’t much in this one, just a bullet pointed outline. Murdered Soul Suspect is a video game, if you don’t know it and are curious you can google it or message me. 

Anywho. This is just a little part I thought was funny.

It’s essentially a Ronan survives AU of the game, pretty standard and I thought it would be fun. Honestly this part about Ronan and his cracked spine just reminded me of Obi-wan and how I write him in ignoring his injuries (and how most people write him) so it made me laugh a bit. 

There’s really not much here, I didn’t even finish the outline.

Trollhunters: Tales of Arcadia - trollhunters au

I am very creative with my titles. Clearly. This is another bullet point outline. but this one is longer and irrc I actually started writing this, and that file would also be in this folder so if I did write it’ll also be featured on this post.

This is an au where Claire is the trollhunter rather than Jim.

The top bit is literally just for context on the next star point. Anywho Writing AAARRRGGGHH/ seeing it spelled out is funny to me. Also I’m pretty sure I rewatched bits with AAARRRGGGHH with subtitles on to see how it was spelt and then replicated that.

The second star point is funny to me because I describe annoyance/anger (rightful, both of them) as pissy. And that’s funny.

There’s more but if I’m write and I wrote it out, then that’ll be featured later. 

Gravity Falls - Gravity Falls

... Okay I’m not creative with titles until I have to be. Once more, bullet point outline. So this is an after-canon AU where Bill left a remanent of himself in Dipper and it’s become apparent when they’re in Piedmont.

I just like the rules I had Dipper give Bill. I thought they were neat. Also, I like Mabel convincing Dipper to let Bill live because he’s pathetic. This is a demon who has tormented them for an entire summer, but nows he’s pathetic so lets help him. 

Not much of interest in this. I probably didn’t write it because it’d be a long and day-in-the-life type fic. It’d just be Dipper and Bill coexisting and going through life and IDK how well I’d of written that. So I didn’t write it.

Until Dawn- Until DAwn AU

FYI I’m keeping the titles case-sensitive. Another bullet outline. So this is a Josh survives/exorcised AU, also an Everybody Live AU. I’m pretty sure I wrote this when I was heavily invested in Until Dawn and Josh (because I like him.) And I was reading Until Dawn fanfic in which Josh is blamed for what happened on the mountain. And I think I was getting pissy which lead to this:

So in this AU the Until Dawn Group splintered into Sam, Josh & Chris, and Mike, Emily, Jess, Matt & Ashley. So this conversation/fight is between Chris and the second group. So Chris is the 1st,3rd and 5th talking bullet point. I don’t know who’s talking in the 2nd &4th bullet point but it’s one of the second group. Probably Emily, Mike or Jess maybe. Not Ashley.

Im 90% sure that I wrote out this entire outline just for this little interaction. 

It just tickles my id. I still kind of like it, but I honestly don’t know what else I’d write for this AU.

Avatar: The Last Airbender - Zuko is the avatar

Title is self-explanatory. Also, I really like bullet outlines. So. Anywho. 

Aang is still a 12 year old in this, he used up all his “avatar energy” (that’s literally what I wrote) to keep himself alive so he’s just an airbender now.

I just love Iroh. And this is just funny to me.

If I ever wrote this, it’d be a lot of hijinks of Katara and Aaang (and eventually Toph) covering for Zuko whenever he bends anything other than fire. More cracky than serious.

“The Mummy (2017)” and “The Mummy (1999)” - Mummy x Mummy

I watched the 2017 version of the mummy (got it from the library for 2 bucks) and since there are some throwbacks to the 1999 movie I decided to try to combine them. This also became an AU where Evie and Rick save Imhotep in Mummy 2, and due to Evie being revived meant she was functionally immortal (doesn’t age, but can still be killed). And due to everything, by the Mummy 2017 rolls around it’s just her and Imhotep hanging around, investigating ancient egypt and whatnot.

Honestly this is just part of the outline. None of this is really amusing to me, just, if I ever tried to write it, a lot of work. Although, the fact that I can’t remember the blonde lady friend from the Mummy 2017 is kind of amusing and I literally call her ‘BLF’ throughout this entire outline. I think her name was Lisa. Or Sara.

i’ll google it.

Assassination Classroom - AC AU

At this point, I might as well tell you when it isn’t a bullet outline than saying when it is.

This was really just a Reaper/Koro-sensei raises Nagisa rather than his mom.

People panicking around children is amusing to me. Again, long AU. And this was probably an excuse to write some baby assassin Nagisa and whatnot. Honestly whenever I read this I do remember more details on this, that I have never written down. 

Murdered: Soul Suspect - Murdered: Soul Suspect

...

Okay I think this is just a repeat of the one I posted earlier???

I- I don’t know what this was? Like this is newer than the other one? 

?????

Uh, brain weirdness?

Let’s move on.

Trollhunters: Tales of Arcadia - TRollhunters

Ok! So this is the written out of the bullet point earlier. I did not write out much. But I’ll talk about it a bit more? So this AU is also a Bular survives and Jim finds him and helps AU.

This is literally all I have written. So, right after this, Jim would find an injured Bular and helps him. There isn’t much to add, but I will add what I had written as Barbara’s reaction from the outline:

Large AU, but it would be fun to write. I would most likely end up writing Claire’s journey of Trollhunting along with Jim’s adventures with Bular.

Red vs Blue - Meta, no, that wasn’t, he wasn’t

Okay, that’s not the full title but also the full title is literally the first sentence. Which is a long one so you get part of it. This is actually a written au, it’s about Agent Maine/ The Meta surviving and meeting up with Siris. This is just the first couple paragraphs:

Nothing I read was particularly funny to me, so just the first two paragraphs. Essentially what would’ve happened is Siris would help Maine find Washington (on Chorus) go to Chorus. Find Felix and Locus. Drama Ensues.

I might actually write this. Maybe. There’s potential, if the drive hits me.

I havent watched RvB in a couple of years, but I did like the series. It was interesting.

Camp Camp- Camp Camp

Y’know since this is ‘misc’ I get just having fandom names. Lot easier to identifiy.

So, this file is currently loading still, but I remember this. It wasn’t that long ago. This wasn’t so much a fic as a comic I would of like to have done. I definitely would’ve needed to brush up on my art skills (I am mediocre at best) but it’s just a small little comic I would’ve done on Camp Camp.

First little bit. I actually wrote out most of this rather than just bullet pointing it. 

There is a little bit I’d have to polish up, but I could probably post this entire thing. But I kind of want to actually do the comic first. But boy that’s a lot of work.

I love how most of the reason I’m not writing these is that they’re a lot of work.

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency (TV Show) - Project Cheron

This is an AU where Priest is one of the projects of Blackwing. Specifically Cheron and I think my reasoning is that he makes people go where they need to be. IDK. I actually wrote a couple of these. But this one is essentially Priest getting a bunch of projects together to help something. Idk.

This entire thing is weird and would probably be labelled crack if I ever finished it.

Okay. This entire scene is funny to me. Just, this girl rushing out in front of the car waving happily with a decapitated head in her hand. I like it. So, Aine and Herodias are OCs. Both are projects Priest is collecting. 

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency (TV Show) - “Dirk

Another Priest is a Blackwing Project AU but that’s not really the focus of this story. This story is about a project (Project Carman- OC) who can trap people in their certain significant memories of her choosing. Carman gets annoyed at Bart, Dirk and the Rowdy 3 so she traps them in memories signifcant to their stay in Blackwing and Priest.

I’ve only written 2 of the six memories, so that’d be fun to complete. These are also just sad. They’re not happy memories. So, random moment that’s somewhat amusing:

Also, title is the first sentence in the fic.

Devil May Cry - “Should I

I- why did I decide to do this from oldest to newest? Part of me is embarrassed, the other part is reminding me I have no reason to be? It’s a video game fic. But also this is a game of my childhood. It’s about Nero looking for his dad and finding Dante instead. Canonically Dante’s twin brother, Vergil, is Nero’s dad.

Just a random moment because I didn’t write that much of it. Also I thought it was kind of cute. Patty shows up in the Devil May Cry anime. Which I watched before I played the games. 

Aladdin (2019) - Aladdin AU

A mix of bullet outline and written. I don’t actually have much of this AU, but essentially before Aladdin wishes to become a prince, he notices some mercenaries kidnapping a little girl and decides to rescue her. 

This girl is the princess of Shiroba, Aladdin takes her back to Shiroba. The Queen/ Sultana appreciates Aladdin going out of his way to help her so she invites him to stay in the palace. 

Eventually word gets to Shiroba that Agrabah is planning to attack so Aladdin and the two twin princes of Shiroba (that I made up, OCs) make a plan to infiltrate and see what they’re planning. They’re not planing espionage, but as Shiroba is a peaceful nation, they want to see if they should start evacuating people and whatnot.

So you get the Prince Ali stuff with the Genie and yada yada. 

I have none of that written. I just know that’s what I intended to do with it.

So, first little bit. Long AU that would take a lot of work. Also, I know this isn’t super popular but I liked the 2019 version of Aladdin. I really like the changes they made. 

Castlevania (TV Show) - Waking up in Jail wasn’t a new experience

Again, title is first sentence. Not writing that out. Anywho, this is a kind of complete canon AU to Castlevania. Essentially we haven’t reached Lisa getting burnt at the stake yet. So, loving Dracula fam. Trevor and Sypha meet earlier due to circumstance. Alucard gets attacked by something and gets rescued by Trevor and Sypha. They travel together for a while. And then Sypha and Trevor get to meet Alucard’s parents. 

That’s where this AU will go if I ever write it. To be fair, last time I wrote in this file was March, so I guess that’s technically possible. Don’t hold out hope.

First couple of paragraphs. 

Also, that’s it! Misc WIP folder done!

Oh, if you’ve made it this far, a)thank you and b) if you want to continue/write any of these, go ahead, but tag me or send me a link. I will be very happy to see/read what you create if you like any of this in an inspo way.

Also. This is long, so, IDK if Imma go through the other folders rn. Maybe tomorrow. 

[iwritefanficsometimes]

Hi, could you do a high school ironstrange pleas ☺️♥️ I love your writing.

(I just watched Love, Simon so I’m in the mood for a high school AU with a happy ending. AO3)

Tony Stark and Stephen Strange hate each other. They’re relative geniuses and within their respective friend groups each holds the title of “insufferable asshole we don’t know why we hang out with.” Tony laughs it off and Stephen glares like that will make them stop saying it. It doesn’t. Tony and his crowd are the populars, though whether that’s because of Tony specifically or them as a group is yet to be seen. Stephen and his friends were well liked in their own right, minus Stephen, and ended up at all the same parties Tony and his friends did, but their groups weren’t friends with each other. Not for lack of trying, of course. No, they didn’t hang out because Stephen and Tony each threw raging fits when it happened.

When Pepper and Christine for lunch, their phones blew up with messages in the same thirty seconds. Pepper’s phone blew up literally a few minutes later, an action for which Tony had to do a lot of explaining. He was forced to remove the explosive devices he’d placed it Clint, Steve, Rhodey and Natasha’s phones. Of course, Stephen, Bruce, Thor, Jane and Billy all heard about it from Christine, who was more shocked than she had any right to be.

“It’s Tony Stark, Christine, they guy could blow up a wet piece of paper.” Stephen had sneered.

“Anyone could blow up a wet piece of paper if they strapped it to a bomb.” Thor said, always taking pleasure in undermining Stephen. It reminded him of the way he used to tease his adoptive brother Loki before he ran away.

“The point is, he would think to do that.” Stephen glared at Thor and Thor nodded sagely, barely hiding his amusement. “He’s a total nut job and someone should lock him up.”

“Funny,” Bruce says from where he’s sitting beside Thor. “He says the same thing about you.”

Stephen glares and Bruce just shrugs. Thor takes the glare much more seriously and leans closer to Bruce while glaring right back at Stephen. That protective streak he had seemed to be skewing in Bruce’s direction more often than not lately.

“He would. He’s threatened by my genius.”

Christine rolled her eyes and threw a perfectly good french fry at him, but it had to be done. “You two just need to get together already. I don’t care if it’s to hook up or get married and have one point seven children, but you guys seriously just need to work something out.”

“Oh please, like I’d ever stoop that low. I’m gay, not desperate.”

“Desperate isn’t really the word I would have used.” Bruce came to his defense. Then the rest of the table got involved, like they had any right to be discussing his private life.

“Testy,” Jane supplied, followed by Thor’s, “horny,” and Christine’s, “that all sounds like desperate to me.”

Stephen sighed and blew a strand of hair out of his eyes. “I’m not desperate for anything. I’d eat my shoe before I’d go on a date with Tony Stark.”“I can arrange that,” Jane smiled, “Besides, no one said anything about dates. Oooo, Stephen has a crush.”

“Whatever,” Stephen rolled his eyes. “You are all unhelpful. I’m leaving.”

“To go find Tony and make raucous love to him?” Thor asked, throwing his arm around Bruce and shaking him with his laughter. Bruce started laughing too, but he only had eyes for Thor.

“To get away from you idiots. Why am I friends with you?”

“We ask ourselves the same question everyday, Stephen,” Christine tells him with a smile that’s too sweet.

“I hate you.”

“Love you too. You should really think about doing something about that massive heart on you have for Tony.”

“Oh, haha, you’re so witty.” Stephen sneers at her and she just keeps smiling.

“Who’s got a heart on for me?” Tony Stark of all people asks as he’s walking by. “I can’t help but interrupt when I hear my name. It’s part self-defense and part narcissism.”

“Speak of the devil.” Stephen muttered under his breath. “My friends are all obsessed with you, why don’t you chat about that while I go anywhere else.”

“Oh, come on Stephen, don’t be mad. We love you.” Jane called as Stephen walked away, always the quickest to try to smooth things over.

He waved without looking back at them, a universal sign for exactly how done he was with them.

“What’s his problem?” Tony asked Christine, and Christine smiled.

“You.”

Tony tilted his head curiously and then looked back after Stephen. “Really?” he licked his lips just a little as he watched Stephen’s retreat. “Do tell.” He sat down in Stephen’s recently vacated spot.

“He hates you.” Thor tells him cheerily, and Jane nods her affirmation.

“That’s what he says anyway. Bruce says you hate him too.”

“Well sure, the guy’s a total asshole. What’s this about me being his problem though?”

“If you’re only asking so you can use it against him-” Christine started, but Tony waved away her concern.

“Relax, I draw the line at tugging on people’s heart strings, even I’m not that much of an asshole. Does he like me?”

“If I answer that will you promise never to blow up anyone else’s phones because you’re jealous they’re stealing your friends.” Christine raised an eyebrow, narrowing her eyes in scrutiny.

“Hand to Thor, I won’t. Spill.”

Jane squealed and hit Thor in the arm. “Oh my god we’re finally getting them together.”

“Hey, no one said anything about together. I just want to know what the deal is. I’m not admitting to anything.”

“Asking was as good as admitting.” Christine rolled her eyes. “Alright, here’s the deal.”

——

Stephen was shoving books into his locker when Tony fucking Stark of all people showed up, again, and just had to make his presence known.

“Hey Stephen.” Tony grinned, closing Stephen’s locker as soon as he was done putting books in. “I hear from nowhere in particular that you don’t have a date to homecoming yet.”

“Oh I wonder where you heard that.” Stephen rolled his eyes and the venom practically dripped from his words. His friends were dead to him. He’d have to find new ones. Maybe live as a hermit without friends for the rest of his miserable existence.

“Well, I heard it from that cute girl who apparently lives under a rock. She was just heartbroken that you turned her down. Anyway. Will you go to homecoming with me?”

“And why the hell would I want to do that?” Stephen asked, trying to evade Tony by walking in the direction opposite Tony’s next class, nevermind how he knew where Tony’s next class was.

“Well, because you’re hot. I’m hot. We’d be a really hot couple, and I’m super easy so if you’re just in it for sex, I’m your guy. So, what do you say? Homecoming?”

Stephen stopped, looked at Tony, and then continued walking again, shaking his head.

“Do you really think I’m in it just for sex?”

“I don’t know, it’s what like,” Tony takes a second and Stephen’s pretty sure he’s doing actual math when he finally says, “sixty two percent of people are in for. Statistically, it’s probable.”

“But you can’t apply statistics like that in this situation.”

“Sure I can. I didn’t say what you would do, just what you’d probably do, and either way I’m good. So don’t make me ask again, I hate to come off as needy.” Tony grinned and then pulled a red rose out from his backpack. “Can a guy get an answer, Stephen?”

Stephen looked at the rose and then at Tony.

“Have you been carrying that around all day?”

“I swiped it off Vice Principal Hill’s desk. She had twelve, she’ll never notice one missing.”

Stephen rolled his eyes and then looked back at the flower. “I’m saying yes but you can keep your pilfered flower. I’m not taking the fall for your crimes.”

“Awesome!” Tony grinned tossing the flower over his shoulder and taking a step closer to Stephen. “So, can I pick you up at seven?”

“Seven thirty, if you’re as insufferable on a date as you are right now I’d like to spend less time with you, not more.”

Tony studied Stephen’s face and licked his lips then nodded. “It’s a deal. Seven thirty.” Tony started to leave, riding the high of a mission complete.

“And don’t wear something obnoxious!” Stephen calls after him, and Tony just smiles over his shoulder.

Tony shows up in a gold tux and a bright red undershirt. Stephen refuses to be seen with him in public. Tony cackles and then suggests they spend the night in. Stephen says yes.

They show up to school together the next Monday, and Tony gives Stephen a kiss on the cheek before heading to class.

Jane squeals.

Prompt Me!

[i-rove-rock-n-roll]

My Wips (and their progress)

Not in any particular order. This is also not all of them, just the ones I’m working on currently or plan to work on in the near future

Icarus--3rd draft, almost complete, currently standing at 68,490 words!

Icarus survived the fall and a bruised body isn’t going to stop him from getting back to his father. Unfortunately, he is whisked all the way to Libya and into a completely different bout of family drama, involving two brothers and a case of human sacrifice. Meanwhile, Minos, the king Icarus and his father escaped from, is hot on finding Daedalus, who is torn between mourning and denial, refusing to give up searching for his son. The ultimate question is ‘who finds who first?’

links here! (though I’ll probably add more in the future!)

Ariadne-- sequel to Icarus, follows Ariadne as she learns how to fully enjoy life and finds love with a deity named Dionysus. not even close to being done, standing around 8,000 words. Everything you love about Greek theater and drama all rolled into one. Also has a bunch of angry gods in it.

Helen--a retelling of the life of Helen and the Iliad from the point of view of a true daughter of Zeus and queen of Sparta. Helen is really tired of getting kidnapped, people. That’s all I’m gonna say.. A sequel (of sorts) to the previous two. Just started.

Medea--love and heartbreak of Medea, famous for both her use of magic and her relationship with a guy named Jason. And the fact that Theseus is apparently her stepson. And for being ruthless and killing her children (which lots of Greek characters did, I mean, hello Agamemnon, what’s up Tantalus) so her story is gonna have tons of drama. 

Set somewhere before and after Icarus and Ariadne, this is the fourth in my mythology series and has literally one line done.

Cain--about 3,000 words

Cain has wandered the earth since his brother’s death. He has lived among the homeless, walked across continents and sailed across seas. He hasn’t had a home for hundreds--thousands-- of years. Then he walks into St. Mary’s church and meets Father Turrell, a sarcastic priest that lives on coffee, chili, and musicals. Father Turrell offers Cain a job, and despite his better judgement, Cain accepts. What follows is mayhem, and Cain’s safe haven, like all his others, is ruined. But now he has Father Turrell stubbornly refusing to let Cain leave without him. So they begin to wander...and trouble follows. 

Redemption Day, about 15,000 words

When Gram Niesler returned home from prison, the last thing he expected was to be blamed for was arson. Especially considering the Donaldson’s house burned down before he’d even returned to town. Thankfully things straighten out, but Gram is soon hit with the truth that his cousin Nicki, who he still remembers as having skipped rope and painted his face with glitter, is the one behind the fire. Stranger still is her reasoning. Vengeance for her girlfriend’s death is one thing, but with literal angels and devils whispering in her ear, Gram is both trying to keep Nicki out of trouble, and tasked with helping her create a trial Armageddon. 

Reincarnation Series (No real Title yet)-- Follows the reincarnations of various deities in the modern world. Kicking things off are the duo Hunahpu and Xbalanque aka the Mayan Hero Twins! 

They always knew their dad was out of the picture, being a famous soccer player, but it’s when the twins go to find him that things get real weird, real fast. Confronted with magician half siblings and a snarky old grandmother, the twins have to wonder when their father will be home to see them. The answer, of course, is that they have to go find him. (That’s basically what I got so far both for a synopsis and a plot)

Wards and Wolfsbane (Tentative Title but idk what else to call it)  (K, so this one is also probably going to be a series as well, the first book focused on the relationship between two wolf born siblings who meet a witch. They are all just learning their history, of this wide world full of monsters and magic. Will also have vamps and other assorted magical folk hiding out) Just started the world-building, it’s Urban fantasy.

Witches and Werewolves have been at war for centuries, only made worse by the history of hunters and burnings. Each side has cause, has killers. 

Has children. 

These children are the ones that wish to change things, to form an alliance. Because they see a danger that their forbears do not. 

There is something else behind the curtain. And it’s coming very soon. 

Aztlán--my first spanish (well right now it’s spanglish) wip!

This follows a close circle of people during either the Mexican-American War or the Revolutionary war of Mexico (I haven’t decided if I’m doing two separate wips for each yet) It has plots, spies, explosions, grief, mourning, betrayal, funerals, weddings gone wrong, etc. Here’s a sneak peek in español 

Down We Fall--about 15-16,000

A story of weddings and political chess that begins with the bride stabbing the groom. The prince and the princess had been promised to each other as children, had grown up together as best friends, had told each other everything. 

But saying I love you was out of the question. 

In the realm of politics, both their kingdoms are struggling. Between infighting for current ruling authority and anarchy caused by the citizens, the pressure is put on. Something has to give. The prince and princess are not yet king and queen after all. The King is dead so who rules the chessboard? 

Please note! If you guys want me to talk more about certain wips or characters or just post snippets of whichever one of your choosing you prefer, please don’t hesitate to ask! And if you feel like chatting about these wips, writing in general, or even just talking about the weather, my messages are always open!

tagging my usual peeps! (add/remove, lemme know!)

@couchwriting@wallpatterns@luckydragonnerd@tokyoghoulua@xanthus-the-headless-stand-user@mkaiww@pheita@ashesconstellation@ashes-of-chironides@splotch-of-spice@the-real-rg@thecadmiuminkwell@ahotpeaceofshit@writingmyselfintoanearlygrave@talesofhemlock@aquaroseas@demonfairyprincess@softdramahoe @lifeofroos@panhasablog @candybunnieholic @superlock-on-pc @alwolfesblog

[graceverse]

Work in progress

I just literally type this in Notes. So, uhm, this is more like a draft(?) and definitely needs more work, a plot, for starters. A title and an ending. This idea just won't let me sleep, I had to get everything down while it's still in my head. It's unbeta-ed. I'm gonna have to come to this post and do massive amounts of editing. But... without further a do, my first ever GoT/Jonsa fic: ******* Someone was trying to freeze them to death, was the first thought that crossed his mind after seeing the barely flickering fire left on the hearth. Not the warm welcome he had foolishly wished for. The North will always be cold, but more so now that every Northern lord who had sworn fealty to him had turned their backs against him. Not at all surprising. These fickle minded lords. But it hurt to see Arya and Bran and Sansa standing on the other side as he told them about Eastwatch and the dragons and how this was their only option. Their only hope of survival. Surely they will understand if he didn't care too much about titles. What's the point of being King in the North when the Army of The Dead is just but miles away from the Wall. The possibility of the dead walking within the walls of Winterfell terrified him like nothing else. "So you let your sister confer with the Northern Lords without you?" Jon lets out a soft sigh before turning away from the fire to address Daenerys, careful not to set her off. Their relationship was teetering on a brink of something. He just wasn't sure where it will lead to. But he had seen her angry and defiant. He could not risk offending her. Not when her dragons could be so easily summoned. Winterfell has enemies beyond the wall. And now he has brought with him another enemy. An enemy no one in the North can even dream of fighting against. Death and Fire. "I am no longer their King, your Grace." Jon didn't miss the slightly raised eyebrow at the sudden formality in his voice. "Sansa is the Lady of Winterfell. It is her right to talk to the lords." "They will not rebel? She will not ask them to?" "She won't." "Sansa is not like that." Tyrion and Jon looked at each other, before looking back at Daenerys who was giving them a small knowing smile. "I hope I will not have to wait any longer to finally meet the highly esteemed Sansa Stark." Jon shivered at the way Daenerys said her name. The cold fingers of a premonition wrapping around his heart. She wouldn't dare. Not when she was a guest in this house. Not when she knows that these are his people. His family. She wouldn't. But...if it ever comes to that...he has a promise to keep and he will keep it no matter what. ---- "Jon was chosen by his people to become their King. And his first responsibility is to protect them. He has decided that to do so, an allegiance between the North and the Targaryens must be formed." She stood there, tall and proud and regal. And scared. But only he knows that. He could tell by the way she lifted her chin, her hands tightly clasped in front of her. He wanted to stand beside her, reassure her, but the moment she had entered the room, she had given all her attention to the Dragon Queen. Not once did she look at him, or even acknowledged his presence. He had hurt her. The pain of knowing that he had given away not just the North but her freedom as well...it was ten times worst than any stab wound he had ever received. She would never forgive him. Probably never talk to him ever again. A slow death that will last a lifetime, but if it would keep her, and Arya and Bran alive, then he'd still bend the knee. "That is good to hear. That is very smart of you Lady Sansa." "As all allegiances go, the North has a few requests." The Dragon Queen raised her eyebrows. "Yes?" "We have decided to send all the Northern and wildling children South, taking them as far away from the coming war. All the women who have decided not to stay here and fight will accompany them." "Again, another wise move, my Lady." Sansa barely acknowledged the compliment, instead she continued, squaring her shoulder, "we would need ten of your ships, your Grace. For we plan to send the children with the grains that we were able to save. We understand that there is a severe shortage of grains in the South?" Tyrion coughs nervously as Jon takes in a deep breath, gritting his teeth. That was still a sore topic and he was certain it was something Littlefinger had conveniently told Sansa about. Daenerys merely tilted her head, her face showing no emotion. Which makes Jon even more anxious. "We will not be sending our children to the South only for them to die of hunger. We are also willing to share the grains if needed." "And where do you plan to send them?" "Half will go to the Vale, escorted by Lord Royce and Lady Lyanna Mormont." Jon couldn't help the surprised sound he made. Sansa glanced at him. "Lady Mormont has agreed?" Sansa's lips curled up slightly, "she did my Lord. I have convinced her to. She will be the children's guardian and who better make sure to guide northern children than her? Perhaps she can even inspire some courage into Sweet Robin." From the corner of his eyes, Jon saw Tyrion's head suddenly snap up, as though realizing something, "and the other half, my Lady?" "They will go the Riverrun. I heard there are but few men, if any, left at the Towers. My uncle Edmure, Lord Paramount of the Trident shall keep them safe." "Ah. My Lady, I am --- you have rendered me speechless, not only by your kindness but most especially by your wisdom" Sansa gifts Tyrion with her first real smile. Jon could not help but look at Tyrion and Sansa, his heart clenching. Something - some form of understanding had passed between them and Jon couldn't understand why it made him feel so...bereft. Daenerys cleared her throat, "I can see why the Northern people love you." Her voice was cold, her eyes even colder and Jon fought the urge to step in between them. "Any other demands, my Lady?" Sansa tilted her head, looking confused, "As Queen of this realm, I had thought that it would please you protect the future of your Kingdom. It is not a demand, Your Grace, merely a request for you to keep the children of your allies safe. I would be sorry to let the Northern Lords know that no ships could be spared..." "My Lady, we will have to discuss how many ships we can spare, please kindly give us some time..." Sansa triumphantly smiles at Tyrion once more and Jon had to clench his hands into tights fists to stop himself from grabbing Tyrion and shaking him by the neck. Instead he concentrated on staring at Tyrion long and hard, hoping to convey some sort of message. Something like, 'stop staring at Sansa that way! Like you've just seen her for the first time in your life, you little devil!' Tyrion didn't seem to notice. "You heard My Hand, my Lady. We shall let you know once we have decided. You may go." Sansa visibly bristled. To be ordered to leave, in her own house, in the room where their father, Lord Stark, used to hold council. Jon winced. He had brought this upon her. "One last thing your Grace. If you may." Sansa turned to face Jon, and Jon, completely unprepared for the blueness of her eyes, the hardness of her face, took a small step back. "Sansa-" her name came out choked, his voice a wretched whisper, an apology, something raw, something he could not name. "As your last act as King in The North, you shall legitimize all Northern bastards. They shall take the name of their great houses. When this war is finally over, there will be no more Snows left in the North." Stunned, Jon could only stare back at her, not sure what this meant. She could not be doing this for him...to finally be a Stark. A legitimate son...Jon opened his mouth to speak, his heart painfully slamming into his still bruised ribs. "Sansa I..." But she had already turned her back and was now addressing the Dragon Queen. "That is all, Your Grace," and without another word, back straight, head held high, like a true Queen, she walked out of the room, silently closing the door. "Oh seven save us, what had happened to her?" Jon couldn't understand what Tyrion meant. Not when everything inside of him was a chaotic battle. He wanted to run after her, grab her, make her look at him again. Tell her how sorry he is to have done the unthinkable, how he could barely live with himself knowing how this betrayal had hurt her - their family. He wanted to be angry at her for being angry at him, because how else did she think he could defeat the Night King without dragons? He wanted to crush her in his arms and do even more unthinkable things to her... "I will not allow..." Daenerys had stood up, pacing the room. "You have to. Or it would be tantamount to sentencing those poor Northern and wildling children to their deaths." There is a lightness in Tyrion's voice, his eyes crinkling. As if he had just told a jest. "Why are you smiling? And you!" Daenerys turned towards him, her eyes flashing, "do not just stand there like some..some love sick fool!" Jon felt as though he had been hit physically. Like a slap. He could feel his whole face heating up. "What are you---I am not..!" "She has played well. You have to give her that. Who would've thought, Sansa Stark, playing the Game of Thrones." Jon shook his head, "I don't understand." "The North seems to be bending the knee now, but when the time comes, when the war is over, The North WILL demand their independence. And if we refuse..." "They will have the Vale and The Trident - who will also be thankful for their grains." Tyrion pointedly looked at Daenerys. "Yes, Sansa Stark, has out played us." Jon wanted to disagree, but he finally realized what Sansa's demands were. An assurance that whatever happens after the war, when winter is finally over, The North will rise and once again claim what has always been rightfully theirs: their freedom.

[kitten1618x]

GoT Afterthoughts 7x03 The Queen's Justice (Jonsa Edition) SPOILERS

I’m sorry for the delay, but ffs this is LONG! Well ...now we know that this week's episode title was def. referring to Cersei, let's get to it. 

We begin this week with foreboding music -Jon and Davos riding the crashing waves onto the shores of Dragonstone -which I still highly prefer the exterior to the interior -though, I suppose it fits the "mood". Little bit of banter between the boys, and after a friendly introduction and a smiling face, Missandei asks for their weapons. A skeptical and non-to-pleased looking Jon obeys, then turns to watch warily while the Dothraki take their rowboat as well. Okay Gendry, you can row up at any time now ...we may need you as the getaway boat. 

So they proceed up the long winding staircase (which has more steps than Dany does titles) and not even a full 3 minutes into the episode, Sansa is already brought up in conversation. I'm dead serious - 02:30 minute mark on the dot. I actually only know this, because at this particular moment, I paused the DVR to grab a snack -but I like how in what is supposed to be such a J/D-centric episode (er-meh-gerd they're finally meeting!!!), Sansa takes precedence. Good call D&D ...I see what you did there. 

Now about that conversation -is it odd that Tyrion would bring up Sansa in passing conversation with Jon? No, not at all -she is a connection that they both share, but ....

T: Sansa, I hear she's alive and well? 

J: She is. 

T: Does she miss me terribly? (clearly he's attempting a bit of a joke here). 

J: *silence as he stares down at Tyrion like he damn well better explain himself*

T: *looks over his shoulder, to see that Jon is not amused, quickly explains* A sham marriage, never consummated. 

J: I didn't ask. 

T: Well it was, it wasn't. Anyway, she's much smarter than she lets on.

J: She's starting to let on. 

T: Good. 

So, what exactly was the point of this conversation? If Tyrion just wanted to know if Sansa was well, and the narrative wanted to establish how clever Sansa is, they could have done that without all that "missing me and marriage sham and unconsummated" banter in between. We as an audience already know all of these things, so how does that little nugget of information help in furthering the narrative? To put it quite simply -it doesn't. Again ..I see you D&D, I see exactly what you did there. 

A bit more banter between the boys -Tyrion's ironic statement about Starks not faring well in the South, as to which Jon replies that he's not a Stark (shut up baby, yes you fucking are!) and BOOM! Cue: Drogon swooping down over the crowd, and Jon and Davos hitting the deck like a bunch of dropped wet rocks. You will NEVER convince me that was coincidence. Dany is in full control of her Dragons now, and that was a total (cheap) intimidation tactic. 

PS: Jon is wearing leggings! Show me tha booty! 

Cut to Varys and Melisandre perched high above on a cliff and watching the welcoming committee march up the guests. Varys prods her on why she won't greet them considering she spoke so highly of Jon Snow. She replies with how she's "brought fire and ice together and she's done her part" -I believe this is a deliberate misdirection from the writers. We already know that Jon is fire and ice on his own -the characters do not, and you know the dark ship is going wild over this line right now, but don't any of you pay it any mind. It's like a magicians trick -slight of hand ..look over there, while we do this over here. 

Varys still has a healthy skepticism of this religion and these priestesses -and I'm still 1100000% with him. Melisandre is going back to Volantis (spelled right??) it seems -but will return to die -just like Varys. Ohhhh prophetic. And damn but these red witches get under his skin! Why???? I must know!

Poor Jonny-boy walking into the throne room looks nervous AS HELL, with the Mad Kings daughter perched on that wiggy-ass throne, and half of Dany's face is bathed in shadows, and she's once again cloaked in all black -shadows, darkness = symbolism at its finest folks. Hiding ones face half in shadow is a popular trope to emphasize that someone has a "sinister side" , and wearing all black is also a trope - "evil wears black." 

Now, for arguments sake (and because I like to play devils advocate -the Nights Watch also wear all black, and Jon did too -however, Dany's wardrobe went from bright white (innocence and purity) to black upon coming to Westeros.  

So as Missandei rambles off all 101 of Dany's titles (like I swear they do this purposely to annoy us at this point), Davos shoots back with "This is Jon Snow and he's King of the North". (See this juxtaposition they just shoved RIGHT IN OUR FACES???). LMAO -by the way, I just fucking adore Davos! He is a damn precious dewdrop, and I will fight you if you say otherwise! 

D: You are here to bend the knee?

J: I am not. 

Who else screeched with glee here? Huh? Huh? 

Bend the knee. Bend the knee. BEND THE KNEE. 

I'm not going to rehash this entire exchange, but a few important things that stuck out to me: 

Jon's primary focus is "us", "we" -he's concerned about saving people.   

Dany's primary focus is "Me, me, me!!"  

 It is interesting how she asked that the father's sins not be passed onto the daughter -reminiscent of Jon's own words regarding the Karstark and Umber children. I wonder if this is a sort of foreshadowing that by not being more wary of Dany's Targ temper, it just may bite him in the ass later.   

 Also Dany is a hypocrite. "Don't blame me for my ancestors -blah blah blah, but bend the knee because of my ancestors." Sigh.   

I'm insanely curious why Jon didn't want Davos to tell them he'd been resurrected -or why Melisandre left that little tidbit out too??? 

 Jon is now essentially Dany's prisoner.  

Dany's narcissism is growing by the day. I can't believe people don't understand what GRRM (D&D) are deliberately doing with her character! This is an actual quote: "Do you know what kept me standing all those years in exile? Faith. Not in any god, not in myths, and legends. In myself. Daenerys Targaryen. The world hadn’t seen a dragon in centuries, until my children were born. The Dothraki hadn’t crossed the sea, any sea. They did for me. I was born to rule the Seven Kingdoms. And I will."  

Varys delivers the news that Dany's  fleet is gone, and then Theon is fished from the sea by his people. And let me slip in here that if you're one of the people bashing Theon for jumping overboard because he so clearly suffers from PTSD -you're a shit, and you need to stop. That's not something that just suddenly disappears ...he will struggle with that for whatever is left of his life. He's gonna rescue Yara ...I just know it. 

Now we're in Kings Landing and Euron is parading Yara and the Sand Snakes through the city. Like, I'm so torn, because I hate this dude, but I also kinda love him? His teasing of Jamie is PRICELESS, if not highly inappropriate. It's also pretty clear to me that Cersei has no intent on marrying him. In typical Cersei fashion, she'll keep him at arms length while she uses him, and then dispose of him when he wears out his usefulness -clever girl that she is. 

And now we're in the dungeon where the Sand Snakes are chained -after a bit of tormenting them, she takes Tyene the same way they took her daughter -with a kiss of death. As a mother, I truly feel for Cersei here as she talks about Mrycella -for both of these mothers actually. Say what you will about Cersei, but Lena is a fucking GODDESS! She owns this role so well. Like, I can't stand Cersei, and yet, I literally cheer for her sometimes. One thing is for certain -people better stop underestimating her ruthlessness. And my God, the Sand Snakes -magnificent acting with no dialogue!

After a romantic romp with her dear brother (and damn, Jamie has a sweet ass), she boldly allows the servant to see them together -she's queen now, and apparently has no more fucks to give. It's time for the Lannister's to pay their debts, and she's off to meet with a rep. of the Iron Bank. Using the sharp negotiation skills she inherited from Tywin, and the same "foreign invader/mad Kings daughter" approach that she used to sway the Lords, it appears she gets what she wants and the Iron Bank will extend her the credit she needs - "gold wins wars." 

We jump back to Dragonstone, where our brooding prisoner/hero is staring forlornly at the sea. He's a Northern fool who didn't listen (to Sansa). Tyrion tries to appeal to Jon's good side, and talks up Dany a bit, while simultaneously trying to help him. He's looking to strike an alliance -"use each other to further your own needs approach", and after a somewhat comical conversation with Dany (thank God because we need a bit of levity surrounding her scenes) -he urges her to let Jon mine the dragon glass. I think Tyrion does truly believe Jon is telling the truth. The knife in the heart comment comes up again -and again, I wonder why Jon didn't want them to know about his resurrection -but clearly, it's important because it was brought up again. 

Now Jon approaches Dany who's gazing off towards the sea and watching her Dragons soaring in the distance. Sounds kinda romantic, right? Well not really, as during most of this conversation they stood facing opposite directions, barely making eye contact -save for a few moments. Shipping goggles are fully affixed here, but compare this to the way Jon and Sansa are always staring into each other's eyes (usually in softly lit rooms). Just sayin'. 

Jon comments on Dany's Dragons, and she tells them that she named them for her brothers -Viserys and Rhaegar. This made me smile. And what I find so amusing about this, is just a few nights ago, I had a Nonny send me an ask referring to the general audience possibly forgetting that Rhaegar (Jon's daddy dearest) was Dany's brother --well, there you have it, Nonny, the narrative just delivered your reminder. Heh heh heh. ;)   I don't think that Dany believes Jon about the WW/NK yet (and really, we can't fault her) but he is getting his dragon glass, and in the meantime, it keeps Jon hanging around -more time to woo him to their side. 

And we head North to Winterfell (finally) to see that the Sass QitN is pretty freaking good at this ruling stuff. Like really, did we ever have any doubts? She's preparing for the enemy coming from both sides, because she's clever as hell (and I'm so proud of her!!!). Can't-take-a-hint Lord Creepyfinger is at it again -whispering in her ear with his creepy-creep-ness, and our girl once again, deliciously puts him in his place. Look, this constant talk of Cersei with Sansa, and the fact that she's lived and learned from her -plus this emphasis on how well she's taken up the helm at "ruling" and caring for her people, all while Tyrion, Jon and LF are all saying how smart she is ...I'm really starting to get the feeling that Sansa is THAT queen. Ya know -the one from Cersei's prophecy ...  

"You'll be queen, for a time. Then comes another, younger, more beautiful, to cast you down and take all you hold dear." 

I usually try not to get tin foilish in my recaps, but this is the Jonsa edition after all, so bear with me. Sansa has literally learned from the master of ruthlessness, and I truly believe all this emphasis on that this season, is setting up the fact that Sansa will be the only one clever enough to see through Cersei's scheming, won't underestimate her, and in fact, be the one to bring her down. Sansa, if not indirectly, could be linked to all of Cersei's children's deaths (all she holds dear): 

She was betrothed to Joffrey, who after he cruelly tortured her for a time, discarded her for Margaery. Being the clever old bird that she was, Olenna got Sansa to open up about Joffrey's cruelty, which ultimately led to his death.  

Thrusting Sansa into a marriage with Tyrion who then were both accused by Cersei of murdering Joffrey. Sansa escapes due to LF's scheming, leading to Tyrion's trial by combat with Oberyn as his champion. When he is killed by the Mountain, Ellaria exacts revenge on the Lannisters by killing Mrycella.   

Due to Joffrey's death, Tommon becomes king, and takes his brothers widow for a wife -the same family responsible for Joffrey's death -who only murdered him because Sansa confirmed his cruelness. Tommon falls hopelessly in love with Margaery, and upon her death, commits suicide.   

It's also important to note, that Cersei is technically the one to blame for the deaths of all of her children, although she will never see it that way. While I was studying up on this prophecy, I also stumbled onto this from one of the book wiki sites:

When will I marry the prince?

Cersei is talking about Prince Rhaegar, whom Tywin Lannister intended to offer her to for marriage. Maggy tells Cersei that she will never marry the prince, but will marry the king. This foreshadows King Aerys refusing Tywin’s offer, Robert’s Rebellion, and Cersei eventually marrying Robert Baratheon after he is crowned king.

I just find highly coincidental that Cersei was almost wed to a Targaryen prince (and Jon Snow's father, to boot), and if we're all correct in our assumptions that Jonsa is in fact endgame (it is, by the way) then Sansa will take that from her, too. Which also strangely ties Sansa to -going from in the beginning of the story, wanting the prince who was actually a bastard, to getting the bastard who is actually a prince. Just sayin' ....

Okay, back to the show. 

Bran has arrived at Winterfell! I repeat BRAN HAS ARRIVED AT WINTERFELL!! And we are treated to yet another beautiful Stark reunion -minus "the nuzzle" -I repeat MINUS THE NUZZLE!! 

They are catching up in the Godswood, and the first thing out of Sansa's mouth (when she's in what she perceives is a safe space, and she's allowed to be vulnerable) is "I wish Jon were here". Ship them or not, there's a reason that they both mentioned each other in this episode -if only to remind us (the general audience) that they are, indeed, on each other's minds. 

Bran is quite emotionless, and I guess I get it. He needs to disconnect and emerge himself completely in this whole 3-eyed Raven deal, because the NK is coming, and he doesn't have much time to hone his powers. In light of their reunion, the writers chose to have him bring up the horrors Sansa suffered at the hands of Ramsey Bolton -to prove his power. I've seen some speculate that this was in fact Bran seeing a future Sansa wedding, and this very well may be, as he admitted himself that it all comes to him in bits. Part of me REALLY wants to believe that, but I think this had more to do with choosing something that would shake Sansa enough to know that what he says is true (cuz come on, he does seem a bit eccentric and cray, peeps). Or maybe it's both? Take it for what you will. 

Jorah has been successfully cured of his greyscale, and he is off to find his Dragon queen -and just ffs, I ship them so hard !!! They (Jorah/Sam) will meet again -although, I hope it's not on different sides of the battlefield. *cough* Targbowl. 

Sam doesn't get rewarded, but you can def. see that the Archmaester IS proud of him. Oh my heart! 

And we're back to Dany's war room. Two allies are down, her armada is gone. She wants to take her Dragons and go burn Euron's fleet -oh, I'm so shocked! But, her wise council talks her out of it, and Tyrion narrates the scene of Casterly rock being taken, while quoting his bro, Bron (like -I can't wait for these two to reunite). The siege is successful .....or is it? Well, NO -because Cersei is a BOSS! 

Euron has effectively taken out the rest of Dany's ships, and trapped GW and the remaining Unsullied at Casterly Rock (which by the way, is gorgeous, and it's about time we see it) -with limited supplies, and no one to come to their aid, they will likely die. 

So where is the rest of the Lannister army? Capturing High Garden, of course (and now Cersei will have their riches, as well). The battle scenes are skipped, and we see Jamie seek out Lady Olenna, who admits to being outsmarted. She warns Jamie that Cersei will be the death of him, and calls Joffrey a cunt (lmao, I love her), before swigging down the poison Jamie offers her. And right before the credits roll, she SAVAGELY admits to Jamie that she was behind Joffrey's murder, and she wants Cersei to know that. Daaaaaammmmmnnn!

And that concludes my Afterthoughts  ...see you next week. 

Oh, and Jonsa is endgame -spread the word. 

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020: BRIT AWARDS SPECIAL

So, welcome to... a Tuesday? Yeah, it’s not exactly a usual time for me to post on this blog but it’s not just your everyday episode of REVIEWING THE CHARTS – That’s right, it’s the 40th ceremony in the annual BRIT Awards celebration, where we – or at least ITV – commemorate the greatest in British pop music. I’ll be celebrating in full force this year, but not by tweeting manically like I did last year – well, there will still be some tweeting; follow me @cactusinthebank – but instead by writing my live commentary right here. I did this a couple years back so I figured I’d bring it back again in traditional, over-analytical, unnecessarily nitpicky fashion. I’ve got an Excel document like I had last year to make not of who wins and compare it to who I think should win. I’m all prepared – it’s time for the 2020 BRIT Awards... unfortunately hosted by Jack Whitehall.

COMMENTARY

Interestingly (This is 10 minutes before the show begins), the International Group Award, Best British Video, Outstanding Contribution to Music and Global Success Awards have been abolished, and British Breakthrough Act, Critics’ Choice Award and British Single of the Year have all been renamed. Also, the BRITs caught flack for less female artists being nominated although last year there was a record amount nominated so I feel like sexism claims can’t really ring all that true in my opinion. It does often seem like male artists have dominated that year of pop music, just as it feel female artists have the previous year, and the BRITs have noticed that, so it just feels a tad lop-sided towards the males this year. I’m playing Devil’s advocate, sure, and I wouldn’t say 2019 has been a bad year for British women in music, but I am able to somewhat defend this decision. I feel like I’d just say that as a little pre-amble. In fact, I’ll add this: this will be less formal and grammatically correct than a normal RTC episode, and perhaps a bit less wholesome or family-friendly. Also, if none of this makes any sense, that’s because it’s out of context completely, and this will make absolutely no sense unless you’re watching it with me or had watched it prior to reading this, but that’s the joy in this! Scorecard at the ready, 19:58, it’s the BRITs in two minutes, and I am prepared to make fun of every issue I pick out.

Jack Whitehall is so unfunny lol Like Haha She Is Cleaning Lizzo Flute But He Look Like Masturbate Ha Ha

I feel like they did not know what they should do for this year

The intro with him trying out iconic BRIT Awards outfits is kinda cool actually

I wonder how far into the future they plan for these. Like are these skits pre-recorded by three months or so

Mabel didn’t really hit that note huh

I won’t really be paying attention to this one because I’m filling out scorecard and all to update it for this year but Mabel is less energetic than she was on the Graham Norton Show months ago

Can’t tell if Don’t Call Me Up has soured on me a lot or this is just a bad performance. Probably the latter

Is this the vocal loop from Mad Love or something I don’t recognise it

Nevermind I’m so dumb it’s from Don’t Call Me Up

The telephone on the screen Because Ha Ha She Says Call Me Up is a bit on the nose

I don’t think they realise she also has a song called Ring Ring

“Please welcome your host Jack Whitehall” No go away

Audience did not like the Boris Johnson joke or even the Chris Martin one lol this gnarly dude is BOMBING

Rod Stewart has eight children what the f

“Horny scarecrow of rock and roll Ronnie Wood” I hope that is on his CV

“A bit of witty banter from Dave” Jack Whitehall Shouted Out The TV Channel Dave

Lewis Capaldi – Someone You Loved genuinely makes me want to eat a living frog this live version is better though he’s not straining that much

I saw a BBC News piece on a boy with cancer and this was used in the background and I understand it’s a sad, sappy piano ballad but it’s literally just about a break up like that’s a tad unfitting and kinda undermines the illness and tragedy surely

Niall Horan looks SO infused

The production value for these little transitions seems to have improved it actually looks cool and not dated garbage

Lewis Capaldi will win Best New Artist

Lewis Capaldi won Best New Artist

It’s his first BRIT Award but what’s the point in celebrating he’s gonna win like seven more

Dude is coming up to the stage with a bottle of beer in his hand bruh

I bet this dude is going to be the Adele and just get drunk and swear every time he gets an award

He hugged Niall Horan for a concerning amount of time

The audience chanted ‘DOWN IT DOWN IT’ he did not down it

He just shouted profanities into the mic after 40 seconds of delaying it, but the audio was muted so I have no idea why Jack Whitehall Loves This Man

Lewis Capaldi’s music and personality clash so hard like I saw an advert of this man making funny faces set to Someone You Loved and it was so odd

That advert played right after the BRITs by the way lol

Why is Lewis Capaldi on another advert singing Someone You Loved again like stop stop stop pelase i ccant getsv awytsuavforrnjeofityre

JHE’S BACK FOR ANOTHER ADVERT GO AWAY YOU DRUNKEN IDIOT

Why would Mastercard proudly sponsor this sh

How the hell is FKA twigs nominated for best female artist like cool and all her album was good but Huh

I guess they put one alternate win each time

Mabel will win Best Female Solo Artist

Mabel won Best Female Solo Artist

Oh yeah I forgot people actually make speeches

“There are so many amazing women in this category” Mabel Listens To FKA Twigs

Don’t thank your record label they are crooks

I forget that Mabel is Neneh Cherry’s daughter that’s wild. Neneh Cherry won a BRIT too, I think this same award. Cool. Neat.

Jack Whitehall’s sarcasm and dryer wit is not exactly the best fit for the BRITs. For once I miss Ant & Dec

Harry Styles Is Literally Wearing Pajamas

This is an ok song and with actually good vocal mixing it’s better but he does sound a bit off. He did get robbed before the awards happened though lol

I am sick of guys singing ballads with a e s t h e t i c backgrounds like can we get some volcano eruptions up in this

The Rising Star and British Producer Awards (new awards) were already given out I feel like cheating

Literally the only nomination for the British Producer of the Year was fred

He won

Another break bruh bruh bruh give me a break

Harry Styles’ Pajamas Are Wet Now He Was Standing In Water

Little simz is on an advert afterwards with an amazing song from her amazing album but she’s not nominated for any award

Im so tired like this shit is keeping me awake last year i fell asleep during a jess glynne performance

Liam payne performed a month before the ceremony and his album fell 31 places on the chart in response

Jack Whitehall called himself a lanky streak of piss this man might get an Ofcom Complaint

Lizzo’s really pushing that title track huh

Lizzo didn’t censor herself on the Grammys but her breathy ‘uh’s are making some lines unintelligible lol

This is a good song though

LOL SHE STOPPED FOR THE AUDIENCE TO CONTINUE HER SENTENCE BUT NOBODY SAID THE LINE YIKES

I guess she forgot Truth Hurts didn’t even peak in the top 20 here

Good as Hell is the one people here care about

She knows that they didn’t respond in Truth Hurts because she said ‘sing along if you know it’ lol

She kinda messed up but to be fair she is walking and singing with the audience

That White Guy With The Crap Hair Killed It

Drummer is going wild

I love the extra guitar flourishes in Juice this is pretty cool actually, her interpolating Cause I Love You at the same time is pretty epic this actually sounds pretty great I’d love for this whole medley to be on streaming

She yelled ‘biiitch’ but the mic did not catch that

Ronnie Wood Really Got The Positive Vibes

Lewis Capaldi will win Best Male Solo Artist

(Michael Kiwanuka got like no applause god damn at least give them pity applause)

ROIGHT and tha winna ***upside down*** is STRORMZY

Stormzy won Best Male Solo Artist

(Second time by the way)

Clean version of Vossi Bop kinda slap Ngl

Stormzy TOWERS over Ronnie Wood lol dude is tall

“Um.”

“Best Male is nothing without incredible females” Cool cool

Ronnie is about to tell Stormzy why he thinks he should go back to his own country and that He’s Not Actually Racist

(Those allegations are baseless. My lawyers advised me to say so.)

Jack Whitehall touched audience feet

We’re already nearly an hour in wow

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY ADVERT BREAKS

Yes Yes

Hell yeah dave is awesome, he got his Top Boy co-star to work as a hype man before him

I think this is Black? If so that’s amazing I love that song

It’s Black he has it written on his white piano

The only white piano is slowly turning more black

I like the headlines and all the imagery on the piano it’s really cool

Dave is a tad off beat but he’s also playing a double-sided piano so understandable

A white dude is playing the other side of the piano I’m sure that’s symbolic

He is aggressive in this delivery damn he’s killing it

Some of this imagery is beautiful – especially the BRIT Award being covered by black snakes and the Arabic writing transitioning into an Africa with colonial borders

This was an amazing performance, especially with the violins. Incredible.

OH THERE’S ANOTHER VERSE ABOUT BORIS JOHNSON

The least racist is still racist damn right

This works as an obituary as well damn.

I’d have to analyse this whole thing but this was an incredible performance oh my god

I want this on streaming

When did this man help a terrorist plot wh

Paloma Faith Sounds Like A Robot Who Is Vaguely Feminist

Burna Boy will win International Male Solo Artist

(I so want Tyler to go home with it though. Could go to Post as well)

It’s just whoever shows up gets it though so

WHOA

WHAT THE HELL

TYLER THE CREATOR WON HOW

TAHT IS AMSGWYUFE

THE RADIO HOST SAID IGOR WRONG BUT ITS OK TYLER WON

Tyler, The Creator won International Male Solo Artist

This gnarly dude just said ‘errr yeah errr’

“Shout out to all the British funk from the 80s I try to copy”

LOL THE THERESA MAY CALL OUT HAHAH

I FORGOT HE WASNT ALLOWED IN THE UK

Bts is not a british group, presenter

Coldplay will win Best British Group

Foals won Best British Group

I am actually so surprised lol at Tyler and Foals winning their first BRITs

More alternative dudes winning I guess. Neat. Means a lot

Stop thanking your corrupt labels

The name’s eyelash

I haven’t actually heard her Bond theme yet

Finneas do be lookin kinda handsome tho

I like it. The whispery tone of her voice, the eerie strings (cello?), and slick guitar really fit the Bond franchise. Thank you Billie Eilish, very cool!

No Don’t Talk To Lizzo Don’t Talk To Anyone Jack Whitehall

“There was so much energy they could have done the whole performance for me” well not exactly mrs. Lizzo

This is so awkward we can’t hear what Lizzo is laughing at Harry Styles looks pissed

‘floutists’ is the name for flute players huh

I’m so confused what is going on

Lizzo is threatening jack Whitehall with a flute and within the transition to the break i could hear a slight faint shout from jack in the background

Is everyone ok

More people that i wanted to win than who i expected to win are winning

Sam Fender is haha funnie but nobody in the audience thinks so lol

Celeste is performing she’s the new Rising Star award she has already had a bit of a crack but I’m pretty sure that’s part of the song

This song is ok

Bit boring tbh. Audience is getting tired too. This is lasting like 5 minutes and the song is pretty flavourless and repetitive. Yawn snore

We’re about half way through and I’ve kind of lost interest ngl

Honestly lewis capaldi did better than celeste on jah

Jack Whitehall is having a mental breakdown right now. Understandable

Billie Eilish will win International Female Solo Artist

Billie Eilish won International Female Solo Artist

Lizzo looks so disappointed for whatever reason lol like did we really think anyone else would get this award

Sporty Spice is in the background dancing to everything i wanted that is not a song you dance like that to it’s about suicide

This speech is going terribly

Why are so many of these gnarly dudes signed to polydor

Thank you Billie Eilish very cool

No Jack Whitehall Don’t Talk To Harry Styles

Harry Styles looks like he hates Jack Whitehall so much

The Lizzo-Harry-Jack Whitehall love triangle is Awkward And Awful

Lizzo is the only reason the brit awards are good

Ok the exchange about Harry Styles not being taken seriously was pretty funny

In fact this whole exchange was very funny And Partially About Incest

“Is one of these lucky ladies your date?” “That’s my sister”

Lizzo is chugging the tequila

Harry Styles Looks Like He Pissed Himself

The BRIT awards have suddenly become very confusing

Epic Stormzy Time

Genuinely have no idea what song he’ll perform. Probably Vossi Bop?

Stormzy Should Keep The Singing To His Backing Vocalist And Choir

Gospel beat sounds sweet

I think this is supposed to be Lessons but the studio version is so much duller than this version. This one is pretty cool. I think it’s the choir

I’d be surprised if he only does Lessons. Also the production value here was crazy. Full band, pyrotechnics and all.

Oh yeah it’s Vossi Bop time he’s got the red lighting

Nevermind it’s Wiley Flow lol but still

Reminds me of when Kanye did All Day (also the audio got muted for a long period of time just like when Kanye did that)

This one is more choreographed though lol

Why did he perform two of the least popular songs first though

Burna Boy is coming out for Own It alright, he sounds just as good as studio, probably because He’s Not Actually Singing

I don’t like this song but the choreography is great, stage presence is good and the visuals are incredible. Really shows that even with the worst material, you can make a song sound as lively as ever. The horns the live band added to Own It sound beautiful

Burna Boy’s little solo bit was great

He got away with saying “Sucking on their mums” nice

I hadn’t heard Rainfall before this I don’t think (it sounds familiar though), but the mashup with Praise You was great. I love the sight of Stormzy in front of family members, the young men in black outfits from Wiley Flow, the tropical clothes-bearing women from Own It, Burna Boy, the live band, and all. It’s really a nice diverse sight to see. Cool cool. This probably means absolutely nothing but I Am Knackered

Someone You Loved will win Song of the Year

I really hope it’s Ladbroke Grove though. It and Location feel very emblematic of 2019, in a way that I Don’t Care by Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber DEFINITELY isn’t

Someone You Loved won Song of the Year

“Biggest winner of the night so far” there’s only one award left mate

Lewis Capaldi Is A Very Funny Man

“Thanks to my grandmother for dying”

Finneas do be lookin kinda handsome tho [2]

Heard a very british voice say “i luv yoo bilie” in the audience lmao

Lewis Capaldi will win Album of the Year

I’d prefer literally anyone else to win this award. Only one of these albums was a 7/10 or above but Lewis Capaldi’s album was unlistenable

OH HELL YEAH THE ONLY GOOD ONE WON

Dave won Album of the Year

Epic I love that album. It could very well have been Capaldi but since Dave won the Mercury Prize I guess he would have been a better prediction

People are screaming man’s lost for words

“Jesus Christ!” dude’s so astonished lol

I loved Dave’s speech actually very inspiring

“Jack, I’m gonna do this one for your mum, Hilary” bruh  rod stewart really saying ‘ur mom’ jokes out here

I love Rod Stewart’s raspy voice man. Orchestra’s great. This is beautiful lol

Gnarly dude got the guitar solo

Conclusion

I cannot be bothered to write some massive conclusion but most of the performances were great and emotionally powerful, especially Stormzy, Dave, Billie and Rod Stewart, and even those who were a bit crap performing were very funny on stage, like Lewis Capaldi. The on stage banter was really cringe-worthy but Jack Whitehall, Harry Styles and Lizzo had this really funny triangle going on. The outro with Ronnie Wood and the rest of Rod Stewart’s band was great, Stormzy’s extended performance was sweet. This was actually a pretty great BRITs, to be honest, and all of the winners, except a select few, deserved it, and if they didn’t, it was pretty expected. There could have been some more winners – off the top of my head, Slowthai and Little Simz weren’t even nominated, but hey, Tyler won. That’s great. The scorecard will be on Twitter. In the words of the BRIT Award winners in 2020, “errr yeah errr”, and thanks for reading!

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020

[lichlairs]

Checkout our new post over at https://lichlair.com/daily-monster-27-tiamat

Daily Monster #27: Tiamat

Yeah. You read that right. Of all the 1561++ monsters currently available over at dndbeyond I somehow managed to roll the living avatar of an actual god. Now you get why I had to reroll yesterday’s monster, right? This is why. Luckily for us (mostly me, really) it so happens that I’ve felt Tiamat’s wrath first hand. Without any further ado, let us talk about one of Dungeons and Dragons most well known figures...

Tiamat

The numbers

Oh boy, where to start with this one. There’s a reason Dungeons and Dragons has mostly stayed away from giving Gods and deity like monsters their own statblocks. Even this statted version of an avatar of Tiamat has some truly game breaking stats. We’re talking about a +8 in WIS and INT, +9 in CHA, and +10 STR and CON. Even their lowest stat, DEX, is an average +0.

Tiamat’s saving throws are very much as godly as she is with a +9 to DEX, +17 to WIS, and ridiculous +19 to her STR. She could literally roll a Nat 2 and still succeed most saves without even needing to burn a legendary resistance.

Speaking of which, “resistance” is definitely a word that pops up a few times in this creature’s block. Like any boss monster worth his or her salt, Tiamat has not one, not three, but FIVE Legendary Resistances. Sorry, did I say resistances? I meant to say immunities. We’re talking about immunity to Acid, Cold, Fire, Lightning, Poison, a bunch of conditions, and the typical non-magical weapon attack resi– immunity. Oh yeah, also? Anything below a 6th level spell immediately fails since Tiamat has Limited Magic Immunity. If you’re wondering how your players are supposed to stop her, well, the simple answer is they can’t but do keep reading for the longer version.

If you thought we were done with the crazy numbers, you’re in for a treat. This gargantuan fiend (yeah, not a dragon or celestial for some reason) has an AC of 25, a hit point pool of 30d20+300, a flying speed of 120ft, and a passive perception of 36.

Yeah, that’s a +26 to any perception checks. Say goodbye to your Sneak Attacks, my fellow rogues. Oh, Invisibility? Enjoy Tiamat’s 120ft Truesight, as well as her 240ft Darkvision.

As if we didn’t have enough resistances and hit points to blow through, Tiamat also has a pretty neat Regeneration feature that just, tops her off for 30hp at the start of each of her turns.

But let’s talk about some of the damage that she can dish out instead. Of course the main “feature” if we want to call it that for this creature is that fact that, like a Hydra, there are multiple heads to deal with. Each of which has their own possible Legendary action for a Breath Weapon, at a cost of 2 of her 5 available at each round. I’ll spare you the details but just know that the averages for damages are between high 60s and low 90s. If you’re wondering what exactly you’re supposed to do with that last Legendary Action, well, you can just take a big chunk out of the Paladin with a Bite attack. Or you know, just take 5 bite attacks per round on top of your Claw-Claw-Tail Multiattack for a total of 8 attack rolls per round.

As if this monster didn’t already have enough things at its disposal, Tiamat also gets a 3/day access to the 7th level spell Divine Word, which can just instantly kill player depending on their current number of hit points.

I know I was trash talking the huge numbers this creature gets earlier in the article but, if anything I think the 240ft area to her Frightful presence should be increased. Just make it like two miles or something because holy sh–.

Oh, and just in case you somehow manage to “kill” her, she can’t actually die. She’ll just reform back at her place and plot revenge on whoever did the do.

The lore

Drawn from Babylonian and Sumerian mythology, Tiamat was known as the Goddess of the Sea. Although there are slightly different versions of the stories, basics are that she get betrayed by other gods and eventually births dragons as part of her revenge.

In terms of Dungeons and Dragons, she has been part of the world ever since 1975 when she was introduced as The Dragon Queen and although she has accumulated many other titles throughout the years, she continues to be an iconic figure in 5th edition.

She is known are one of the two primary Draconic Gods. Together with her brother Bahamut, she was once part of a single dragon deity named Io, who represented creation and was thought to have created the multiverse. Flash forward an unknown number of millennia and Io was defeated and cut through cleanly into two parts from which spawned Bahamut and Tiamat.

Chances are that if you’ve been playing Dungeons and Dragons for a bit, you will have heard of Tiamat’s and Bahamut’s rocky relationship. While their rivalry and hatred for each other is well known, this wasn’t always the case. Nowadays though, it is most certain that if Tiamat were to escape her imprisonment she would focus on bringing about the destruction of all Metallic Dragons as one of her very first acts.

Although no longer included in her statblock for 5th edition (thank god), some of the lore for older editions described Tiamat as being able to watch and listen up to a 10mile radius around her, and being able to “poison” water or any substance containing water such as potions. She could also charm reptiles and teleport around planes and locations as wished. Just when you think she couldn’t get any more broken, am I right? Thankfully, as mentioned before, none of those seem to be current parts of her 5th edition skill set. What does remain as part of her stat block is the fact that she simply cannot be killed and will eventually reform and reappear to cause trouble.

Similar to most of her dragon children, Tiamat often presents herself a woman with dark hair, a sorceress sometimes known as the Dark Lady.

If you’ve ever fought an ancient chromatic dragon in your campaign, there’s a slight chance that they were in fact spawned directly from Tiamat and one of her multiple consorts.

As a Greater God, Tiamat doesn’t just represent all even dragons and reptiles, but also the ideals of conquest, greed, destruction, tyranny and a bunch of other nice stuff. Her hunger for power is such that she has in fact been killing and absorbing other Gods and their power for a very long time. Many believe this to be one of the reasons that prompted her getting banished.

If you’re wondering where exactly you can find this fiendish creature so that you may slay her once and for all, look no further than Avernus; first layer of the Nine Hells. Although trapped here, she is free to roam as wished. In the untold years since her imprisonment she has built a massive fortress from which she rules as she continues to seek for means to escape her imprisonment. Of course if you are thinking of approaching her there, you might have to deal with large numbers of other devils, as the Dragon Queen has a decent amount of support from Asmodeus himself.

Back on the Material Plane, the Cult of the Dragon, also known as Church of Tiamat, and the Keepers of the Secret Hoard are always hard at work attempting to free the Dragon Queen. The cult is explored in great detail in the 5th edition modules Hoard of the Dragon Queen and Rise of Tiamat, but for now, just know that Tiamat’s followers tend to be just a greedy and power hungry as she is. Those who achieve a certain amount of power and notoriety within the ranks become known as Wyrmspeakers. In terms of her dragon followers, chromatic dragons often commit atrocities and mass destruction in her name.

The execution

Look man, I get it. Dragons are cool and in a game half named after them, we definitely want to fight them, but Tiamat? Seriously? It’s your fiery funeral, but okay, let’s see…

Actually, let us start by discussing how we’re meant to fight her in one of WoC’s own modules. I suppose the whole article is a giant spoiler for the Rise of Tiamat Module as it is but just in case: Spoilers ahead!

At the end of the Rise of Tiamat module (second part of the Tyranny of Dragons adventure set) the party of heroes is meant to race against the Cult of the Dragon as the rush to complete a ritual that will free Tiamat from her imprisonment in the Nine Hells. It is stated several times throughout the book that the chances for the players to defeat Tiamat, if she is successfully summoned, are extremely slim. So slim in fact, that the adventure places several ‘clauses’ for the ritual that allow the players multiple ways to either stop the ritual completely or greatly weaken Tiamat’s avatar once she comes through into the Material Plane. From reducing her hit points and number of Legendary actions and resistances to lowering her AC, all so that the players might have a chance, just a chance, of sending her back to Avernus.

I bring this up because, unless you’re planning on this encounter to TPK your players and wipe out the board, you will definitely need to come up with some ways to give your players and edge and weaken Tiamat.

And this is just Tiamat (ha!) that we’re talking about here. If we’re going by lore alone she will definitely not be by herself when the time comes to rise. She will have a massive array of allies from cultists, to chromatic dragons and devils. What I’m saying here is that this is definitely not an encounter to through at your players lightly. It will require extreme balancing and preparation on your part as the Dungeon Master.

If your Rise of Tiamat players are unfortunate enough to not stop the ritual in time, or if you’re still set on subjecting your group to Tiamat’s wrath, do try your best to make the encounter memorable! Go all out and don’t be afraid to get creative with combat. This should be the kind of be all or end all final battle where all the player’s effort finally pays out as their allies assemble and prepare for a final assault against Tiamat’s forces.

Oh boy, that was a long one but I definitely enjoyed doing all the research needed for this piece. Even learned a few things I didn’t know despite having played through the Tyranny of Dragons module.

As always, thank you for reading and, if you enjoyed this article, consider following us on our social media to never miss out on our new content. We post new articles every day.

[lovemesomesurveys]

A

How artistic are you? Ha, I can color. That’s all I got.

Do you want to go to Africa? I’d loveeeee to visit giraffe manor.

AC/DC or Aerosmith? Aerosmith.

Do you know what Armenia is? Yes, it’s a country.

B

What’s your beer of choice (if any)? Ew, none.

Do you know the title of Buffalo Springfield’s one-hit wonder? Well, I had to Google it because the artist didn’t ring a bell, but I am actually familiar with their song.

Do you have a brother? (Do you like it that way?) I have two brothers.

Which bank do you use? Noneya Bank.

C

Which comedian do you most enjoy? I don’t have a favorite comedian. 

Would you ever live in California? I’ve lived here all my life.

Is it possible/likely that you’ll become a cat lady? *Dog lady, yes.

How many different countries have visited? Just one.

D

Do you believe there’s a devil? Yes.

Does eating dessert often make you feel guilty? No.

Can you legally drive? Nope. I haven’t gotten my license. Nor have I ever taken any lessons.

What have you been diagnosed with (if you don’t mind sharing)? I don’t want to get into all that.

E

How often do you drink energy drinks? I drink Starbucks Doubleshots pretty often. That’s the only energy drink I like. Where did you live when you were 11 years old? Different house, but same city.

Do you like the actor who played Edward Scissorhands in that movie? Why not say Johnny Depp?

Have you ever felt an earthquake? I’ve only felt effects from the aftershocks. This past summer was the first time I’ve ever felt it and it was such a weird feeling. I felt myself swaying and I had to lie down.

F

When was the last time you saw your father one-on-one? Last night.

Do you think French is the most beautiful language? Uhhh, sure.

Is Friday your favorite day of the week? I don’t have a favorite day of the week. They’re pretty much all the same to me.

Have you listened to Jimi’s song ‘Fire?’ Doesn’t sound familiar. 

G

Do you have real gold jewelry? No.

How often do you watch ‘Gossip Girl’? I never watched it.

Is Google your homepage? Yes.

Do you like Geico’s commercials? I thought a couple were cute.

H

When did you last feel happy? Hm.

Do you prefer Hollister, Hot Topic, or H&M? Hot Topic.

Did you dress up last Halloween? Nope. It’s been a few years now since I’ve dressed up. I’m over it.

Would you voluntarily watch the History Channel? Yeah, and I do.

I

Have you ever been on an island? No.

Would you be able to locate Indonesia on a globe? Maybe.

Do you know if Iceland or Greenland has more ice? Greenland, right? I thought they were actually opposite of what their name is or something.

Did you watch the last presidential inauguration? No.

J

Do you enjoy jogging? No.

On which instrument could you most easily play ‘Jingle Bells’? Piano.

How much do you know about John Lennon? I know he was in The Beatles, I know a couple of his own songs, I know he was married to Yoko Ono, and I know he was shot.

Do you know how Jell-O is made? I know how it’s made when you buy the powder stuff from the store, ha.

K

Have you tried Krispy Kreme doughnuts? (Was it love at first bite?) I have. I’m not a big fan, honestly. I like cake donuts better.

How many pairs of khaki pants do you own? Zero. Lol, that reminds me of Jake from Statefarm.

Have you ever been a fan of the Killers? Yeah.

L

Does it bother you when couples are lovey-dovey in public? No.

Do you have your own lighter (why or why not)? No. I have no reason for one.

In how many languages (besides English) can you count to 100? Besides English, I can also count to 100 in Spanish.

What’s your favorite lollipop flavor? I don’t care for lollipops.

M

Do you believe in miracles (why or why not)? Yes.

What do you think of shows like Maury and Jerry Springer? Dumb.

Do you care that Mars (the candy co.) uses deadly animal testing? I didn’t know they did. I’ll have to check that.

How did you form your opinion of marijuana? The research. 

N

How often do you sleep naked? Never. I would find that incredibly uncomfortable. I don’t like being naked. Like literally after a shower I quickly put my clothes back on. 

Do you actually check the Nutrition Facts before eating something? Sometimes, just out of curiosity.

Who is your favorite musical artist/band beginning with ‘N’? Nirvana.

How nerdy are you (in what ways)? I like to read and I love superhero movies and Star Wars. Some see those things as nerdy *shrug*

O

What do you think about olives? I like black olives.

Are you much of an outdoorsy person? Nope. How big of an Oprah fan are you? I wouldn’t say I’m a fan. That doesn’t mean I don’t like or anything, but I just don’t keep with her. 

How often do you shop online? All the time. 

P

Are you looking forward to your prom? If you already went, how was it? It was cool. I got to dance a bit with my crush at the time, so that was nice. ;)

How are your local policemen? They’re swamped because there’s a lot of stuff going on that keeps them busy.

What is your ideal PB&J sandwich like? Just good ol’ creamy peanut butter and grape jelly.

What do you think of the movie ‘Pineapple Express’? I thought it was so stupid.

Q

How true is the saying, ‘quitters never win and winners never quit’? Not always, but yeah pretty accurate. 

Do you prefer Quiznos or Subway and why? I don’t think I’ve been to a Quiznos, so Subway I guess. Not a big fan of that either anymore, though.

Have you learned the quadratic formula yet? (Do you remember it?) Yeah, back in middle or high school. Is that the ax^2 + bx + c = 0?

What is the one question you most want to ask someone and who? Hmm.

R

How many rooms are in your home? 2 bedrooms.

Do you like raspberries? I like some raspberry flavored things. 

What’s one of your best memories from during a rain storm? Getting caught out right in the middle of a rain storm while at an outdoor festival. I got soakedddd.

Have you actually read Shakespeare’s ‘Romeo & Juliet’? Yes, my freshmen year in high school.

S

Do you know any Sign Language? Only a few things.

What is your sleeping schedule generally like? Shitty. I’m typically up until 4AM and wake up around noon, waking up a few times in between. How well do you sing? I can’t sing well, but I still do it.

How often do you listen to 60-70’s music? I have a mix of genres from different decades on my Spotify, so it varies.

T

What do you think of Twitter? I like it.

How much do you value the Ten Commandments? I value them greatly. 

Are there many trees where you live? Yeah.

How much taller/shorter do you wish to be? “I wish I was a little bit taller.”

U

Where do you usually buy your underwear? Kohl’s. 

How do you define ‘ugly’? Something unpleasant. 

Do you like to shop at Urban Outfitters? I’ve only been to an actual store a couple of times, but I’ve been on their website several times and while they have some cute stuff, they’re way too damn expensive. 

V

Would you like being described as ‘voluptuous’? I wouldn’t be described that way.

For listening to music, do you like to crank up the volume or keep it calm? At a reasonable level.

Do you ever watch the annual Victoria’s Secret fashion show? Nope. It’s cancelled now anyway.

Would you agree that ‘variety is the spice of life’? Yeah.

W

Are you currently on wireless Internet? Yeah.

Can you recall memories of learning how to whistle? Nope.

Do you go to White Castle or just vicariously through ‘Harold & Kumar’? We don’t have a White Castle here, but the stores do sell their burgers in the frozen food section. I’ve only had those, not the real, fresh thing. 

Have you gone to Washington, D.C.? Did you like it? (OR-do you want to go?) I’ve never been.

X

Why did you need your most recent x-ray and what were the results? I needed a CT Scan for something. 

When it comes to ‘xoxo’, do you interpret ‘x’ as the hug or the kiss? I read it as “hugs and kisses.”

What does X stand for in Roman numerals? Can you write the previous number? 10. 9 is IX. Why do you think xylophones are only popular with young children? I remember playing those in music class sometimes in elementary school.

Y

Can you explain the meaning of the yin-yang symbol? They’re opposites. Yin is the negative, dark one and yang is the positive, bright one.

Did you know that yawning is contagious? It’s not always.

Would you like a bottle of Yoo-Hoo or it’s not really your thing? I liked the little box container thingy where you poked a straw in the top, ya know? The strawberry flavor is best.

Z

How many places’ zip codes do you know by heart? I don’t know.

What comes to mind when I say ‘Zero to Hero’? Hercules. 

[thesolitaryhobbyist]

Yuukoku no Moriarty highlights/comments, chapters 4 - 10

Selective, but I tried to include important points. Doesn’t detail the resolutions of the actual heists/crimes. Minor/vague spoilers unmarked, a few more significant spoilers in a separate section at the end.

Chapter 4: The Case of the Noble Kidnapping

Opium, and the military.

Unspecified bad blood between Albert and Moran.

(Maybe Moran being ex-military might be relevant?)

William is kidnapped.

William’s catchphrase really seems to be “I will hand down your punishment!”, more or less.

MI6.

I won’t say more for 2 reasons: 1. I didn’t seriously try to understand all the details (sorry, I’ve misunderstood Albert enough); and 2. The entire plot hinges on one reveal, which I’ll mention below.

Chapter 5: The ‘Noahtic’, Act 1

‘Noahtic’ is the name of a cruise ship.

How William plans to go from Durham’s local hero to London’s Napoleon of Crime, a rough summary:

[interior, Moriarty London residence, a meeting between the Moriarty brothers, and Fred and Moran]

William: ‘The [class] system can’t be changed immediately. But what we can do is plunge London into the depths of hell. Turn it into a city of crime. [...] Crime isn’t the end, it’s the means. The system can’t be changed immediately. But people’s hearts, they change in an instant. People are mobilised by their feelings, you must have understood that from Durham. What hits people the hardest - that’s death. [...] We’ll direct a production and decorate the set to allow death to come to the forefront [...] People’s...the country’s eyes will be opened. [...] The time has come for the curtains to rise. If this ‘play’ on this big stage succeeds, we can accomplish anything.’

Albert: Oh, and I’m in MI6, so I can pull strings.

William: Let’s start by exposing this one Earl’s misdeeds.

(So that’s why these chapter titles use ‘act’ in them. And also probably the/an inspiration for the name ‘William’, as in Shakespeare.)

Holmes and William have a deduction-off on the Noahtic:

Holmes: I deduce you’re a mathematician! I saw you staring at the golden ratio in the staircase!

William points out what Holmes does is technically abduction, then goes on: ‘You play violin, but you aren’t a performer. Moreover, you excel at physical combat. And if I may, you also have an interest in scientific experiments, and are a bit reliant on drugs. It’s obvious you’re an Oxbridge alumnus (!), yet you speak with a cockney accent (!!). That must be because you’re proud of your roots, particularly on your mother’s side (!!!)...am I right?’

Holmes: HAHAHAHA srsly, ur hilarious

(Bless this cockney Holmes.)

Chapter 6: The ‘Noahtic’, Act 2

At the Moriarty London residence:

Moran: ‘Cleaning up after a big operation like this is tough, eh, Fred? Maybe using civilian lives bothers you? But “death is what moves people most”, isn’t it? I'm telling you, if I was Enders’ [the killer on the Noahtic] target instead of that man, I’d have willingly given my life. If William’s plan needed me to sacrifice my life, I’d do it any time. You would, too, right, Fred?’

Fred: ‘............got it.’

(Yeah...Fred Porlock.)

Holmes: 'When you eliminate the [...]' Blah blah, you know the drill.

I didn’t catch if there was a specific reason he was on the cruise, though.

Chapter 7: A Study in ‘S’, Act 1

When you want to avenge your fiancee’s death, who you gonna call?

On the coach ride back from that consultation, Moran offers to kill Holmes "any time", but William turns him down.

(He and ACD canon Moran need to have a chat about killing Holmes...)

Holmes is theatrical and impish, and speaks quite casually.

Mrs Hudson yells at Holmes in the street to pay rent, while he’s carrying a bag of apples, and he tries to give her an apple as ‘payment’. They fight in the street. The public is entertained.

Stamford passes by. Holmes asks to borrow money from him, but he suggests finding a flatmate.

Mrs Hudson rejects three would-be flatmates before Watson shows up.

Watson’s moustache was sacrificed to the bishounen character design cause, sadly.

When Watson first enters 221B, Holmes is ‘dead’.

I present to you:

Goth jewellery Holmes.

That woman is Mrs Hudson (well, Hudson-san). She’s “eternally 17″, according to herself, but “about thrice that”, according to Holmes.

Watson tries to smooth-talk Mrs Hudson when she’s angry at Holmes for meeting her at a seedy pub, instead of a restaurant, to introduce her to Watson. (Spoiler about this at the end.)

She’s not impressed, and thinks he’s some kind of womanizer.

When Mrs Hudson complains about Holmes’ abilities being ‘wasted’, Holmes excuses himself to go to the toilet.

Then Mrs Hudson tells Watson that Holmes worries her a lot, and because he’s like a kid, she doesn’t want him to live with just anyone.

Watson smiles and points out that she worries about him “like family”.

Holmes and Watson team up to beat up the man who harassed and groped Mrs Hudson.

After that, Mrs Hudson gives Watson her approval.

Enoch J. Drebber is an Earl here.

Holmes is arrested because Earl Drebber ‘wrote’ “Sherlock” in blood on the floor of the room he was killed in.

(Because dying messages are totally a thing, eh? [insert Ace Attorney joke here])

Holmes and Watson address each other using given names from the get-go. Just how things work in this manga, apparently. The Yard still address Holmes as ‘Holmes’, though.

Volume 2 omake, a summary

“William’s room / No entry! / Except Lewis”

Lewis wants to help with William’s plans, but William always says it’s fine, Lewis, it’s too dangerous for you.

Internally he’s like: brother, that hurts!

One day, he knocks over William’s diary while cleaning his room.

The angel on his shoulder (yes, this trope is used) is like: reading other people’s diaries is wrong!

The devil is like: at that rate, finding another way to be useful is wrong! and dude, we’re villains!

That’s fair enough, so Lewis reads it.

That night... and the next night, and the next night... he makes stargazy pie for dinner, with increasing numbers of fish.

Because William wrote in his diary that Lewis’ stargazy pie was delicious, and he hoped he would make it again.

Everyone loves it. Except Moran, who yells that he’s sick of it. No one cares.

(But the real question: if the diary isn’t a throwaway plot device, is there any other juicy info in there? Or is it just full of food reviews?)

(I’m not sure which I’d prefer.)

(And it’s not impossible William planted the diary.)

Chapter 8: A Study in ‘S’, Act 2

Meanwhile, in Utah...

Kidding, nobody in this is from Utah. Earl Drebber is from Wales.

Lestrade and Gregson! Lestrade is much more cooperative than Gregson. (Spoiler at the end.)

Watson is quick to trust Holmes and believe in his innocence.

The elaborateness of the crime really brings Holmes back to that Noahtic case...

Baker Street Irregulars!

Fred ninja-jumps up to the rooftops in an alleyway.

Chapter 9: A Study in ‘S’, Act 3

That entire confrontation between Jefferson Hope, Holmes, and Watson is pretty great. (Spoilers at the end.)

Holmes makes a pun on Jefferson Hope’s name.

Holmes: I don’t care about credit, just write “Holmes is amazing!” in your [Watson’s] diary.

It’s published. Holmes is not amused.

Watson: ‘Even when the whole world hates you [Holmes], I alone will be on your side!’

(Gee, that’s not foreboding at all.)

Watson makes Holmes wear The Outfit to meet the press outside 221B. Holmes is not amused.

Holmes passed his ‘audition’ as the ‘main character’ in William’s play, though he doesn’t know it yet...

Chapter 10: The Hunting of the Baskervilles, Act 1

WTF, Sir Charles Baskerville?

He and some other nobles abduct children, then hunt/abuse/mutilate them, like something straight out of Kuroshitsuji. And he has a ‘trophy room’.

I personally don’t find the panels too gory, but stuff does happen on-page.

Moran immediately cancels his plans for the night - i.e., sleeping with one of the women he bragged to at the pub about his new job as a ‘butler’ - so he could accompany Fred to report the Baskerville tip-off to William.

Fred is reluctant to go because it’s late and the abductors come early in the morning, so there might not be time. Moran is like naaah don’t be a coward, let’s run for it, William looks at the big picture, but I know he doesn’t ignore suffering when it’s in front of him.

(Moran backstory, when?)

And about that job - Moran shirks work when Lewis and William aren’t around, and Fred covers for him.

And Moran says though Fred seems distant from William, he and Fred have a special connection to each other.

(Now I can’t help but see Fred’s attitude towards Moran as some kind of rebellious younger brother thing and I cannot wait for backstabbing to happen outside the omake.)

Lewis still wants in on the action, and finally confronts William after Moran gives him a ‘but you’re brothers, tell him how you feel!’ pep talk.

William: oh nooo, I only wanted to protect you, Lewis, but I didn’t consider your feelings, only my ego! From now on, I’ll let you in on the action, too, just like old times!

Other unsolicited comments:

Lady in the vol. 1 colour spread of the Moriarty comrades’ debut album photoshoot: please don’t be Irene Adler, please be someone else, please.

Judging by the page one literal cliffhanger, this won’t be how it goes, but consider: instead of baritsu-ing William over Reichenbach, Holmes shows up late and stabs him with a broken oar. (...This duel.)

William is 24/7 cool, even when he was abducted in chapter 4. The only times he’s really cracked so far were the chapter 1 page one cliffhanger, and his conversation with Lewis in chapter 10. Please crack more, William.

Chapter 4 SPOILER

The kidnapping was planned so Albert could bust some opium smugglers, who were the kidnappers.

Chapter 7 SPOILER

When he went ‘to the toilet’, Holmes gave that man a message ‘from’ Mrs Hudson, to get him to approach her.

‘She’ wrote that she liked a certain kind of role-play... 

Because Holmes thought Mrs Hudson would ask Watson to be his flatmate if she saw that he’s a “gentleman brimming with a sense of justice”.

And Watson really is, so he's pissed when Holmes tells him 

But his tirade is cut short because the Yard comes.

Chapter 8 SPOILER

Lestrade, who's driving the Yard’s coach (uhh, whatever the right term is), swerves so the doors open and Holmes and Watson can escape. When Gregson demands an explanation, Lestrade claims a cat suddenly jumped onto the path ahead.

Chapter 9 SPOILER

Jefferson Hope asks Holmes to kill him. If he does, Fred, who’s watching from a rooftop, will tell him about the criminal mastermind who advised Hope.

Holmes points his gun at him.

Watson: nooo, there has to be another way! *points his gun at Holmes*

Holmes shoots.

...at the ground.

Holmes: haha what do you take me for? I don’t want to be told the answers. I’ll find them on my own. *handcuffs Hope*

Watson: *tears of joy*

After the Moriarty crew pass the press mob outside 221B, there in response to the news of Hope’s arrest, Lewis says there was a ‘60% chance’ Holmes would have killed Hope.

William says the whole thing was a test of Holmes’ character. The gist of the conversation is that Holmes will be of use in exposing the upper classes’ sins.